The Leominster Rectangle

Just had this one in from an old love over Brilley way:

Dear Sir, I wish to inform you that on August 28, 2010, at 12:30 PM, near the ridge, my husband Wally and I observed seven separate lights in a rubbery symmetrical alignment over here. The lights began to rotate and oscillate like an oscillating spinning top, mimicking my spindle. The lights almost took the form of a map, something like a grid, or plinth. Then the lights began to fade and disappear one by one. Then they came back on again. Then they faded out again, one by one. Then on again. It was like a big thing covered in lights, peering from behind a sky curtin, looking at you.

We grabbed a carrier and filled it with cans and headed to our friend's house a few fields away and as we turned the corner a tractor stopped in the road and the old farmer fell out onto the road, laughing. I rolled down my window and asked if he had seen the lights too and he said, "Ightseter nport torional UFO" which made me giggle.

We have contacted the council regarding this issue and they have not done nothing.

That's a story.

Simon Cowell: "UFO's are funny"

At last weeks Painscastle UFO Society meeting Simon Cowell (not that one, Bill Cowells boy over Brilley way...) shocked members by standing up and making the following statement:

"No offence Wynn (he'd just interrupted Wynn Griffiths, Chairman of the society, during his lecture on UFO shapes) but I think UFO's are funny like. I know yous boys think different, right, but me an the lads set one up, right, out on top of fathers field."

This revelation caused a damp ripple of excitement in the hall. He continued:

"We got an old portable chicken shed, right, and just for a laugh like painted him silver like. We didn't mean nuthin by it look, it was just for a laugh. We used shovels for levers, and painted ALIEN GAS on the side. It was just a bit of fun, heh."

At this point Big Margaret raised her hand and asked Simon when this 'prank' had been constructed. The response caused the hall to erupt into chaos, with farmers shouting out and knocking over chairs and that. It turns out that several of the old boys had seen something very similar rise up into the air and take off at speed over Hergest Ridge.

"Yeah well it did disappear from the field right, but we reckon it was the council."

Russell Brandy Butter

I had this one in from 'Farmer Drummond' yesterday who also signed himself off as 'Autumn Leaf':

We have heard stories that the circle energy left Kington High Street in May and was replaced by another thing, or gas, but we are with you still and will continue to evolve with your shapes, and smell the other Beings of Rubbery Gas currently known as "with".

Yet, our roles observing crisps and money is changing, and we are indeed moving into our new, more awkward positions to work with your alignments as Co-creators of The Stench. For, on this plinth, you are the horse and we serve you by providing drink and touching you with levers. We serve to share crisps and council triangles so that you may better carry out your work as Farmers of the New Earth in a continuation of my excitement.

My thanks to Autumn Leaf for that one, I like that one or something.

The Russell Brand Center Explanations

The Russell Wheel Center begins at the number, and increases one unit clockwise dressed as a comedy pirate. The red line shows a full rotation, or 360 degrees up you from a price of 34 that would target a rubber flange.

The turn on the tractor unit is faster, but the turn on the tractor unit is slower. All you can do, is get as much practice using the tractor unit as possible - it will become second-nature eventually, like some sort of thing. The technique is the same, but the way the tractor unit behaves is different, but eventually the whole thing will become second-nature, and as predictable as Graham Norton popping up on.

Big Brenda told me: "You need to practise. It's like anything, the more you do it the easier it gets. Cant you stay late at work and practice reversing into the bays?" And later, rather bewilderingly: "Bring me a glass horse! On a plinth!"[47]

Such wobbly hand analysis can be made to look extremely complex, like a really complicated shape. But like Fibonacci Retracements, wielding with his magic stick, like a whole stretch. Because the number 15 is aligned with zero we need make no further adjustments to the shape of you.

Draw a circle that touches all four sides of the Bill Drummond. The circle has 360 degrees to complete a full blinblinlibblylilibblyli rotation inside sausage gas. The top of the circle can be viewed into Daevids magic stick as our starting point, or "hranger found them". Now divide the circle into equal wangers. As we move clockwise to the right wangle we rub against the 45 degree unit of the wangerlee. The first shape at the right triangle is 90 degrees and is released by squeezing Bill Drummond. Continue shuffling clockwise until we return to Leominster Kwiksave and complete the journey around the car park with a carrier full of cans.

*Enjoyment*

The Leominster UFO Geometry Club

Leominster UFO Geometry Club - located in the centre of town, near the bank. The new revamp that has earned it a spot among the hottest clubs in town. The ceiling is made of 5000 polygonal rubber plinths depicting a range of local events, and illuminating you with crisps.

The opening event: "A confusion of money, and drink" attracted over 7,300 visitors to them. Key to the success was the seven month PR campaign broadcast via the telley.

“Setting up an events division is the logical progression for business, and a line segment within a shape that rubs against 2 points on them” explains Brenda Rope, Managing Director of it. “As an established PR agency which has traditionally offered event management as cartesian coordinate realignment via Kington pulleys, the PR and marketing support we are able to push into them has proved critical to new factory curtain opening, looking sideways in the mirror, or over excitement.

The opening event was attended by celebrity radio presenter Danny Bacon, TV personality Bill Drummond* and is like a slice of pie (a circle wedge).

For further information contact:



* not that one

Build your own UFO, part 5

Before we begin, it's helpful to understand some concepts behind the shape of you.

Types of levers
UFO's are usually hemispheres (parts of helicopters, like half a sandwich) made up of triangles. We call these 'come-jiggers'. The 'come-jiggers' have 3 things:

* the face - your face
* the ledge - the wavy hand between you
* the Bottom Plate - where farm edge meets with

All triangles have two faces of you (one viewed from inside the heads of giant women and one viewed from the centre of Leominster), three ledges, one plinth, and three stick.

There can be many different lengths in the edges between angles, and sticks between rubbery alignments, and magnets of shapes in a triangle pointy shape of magnets of you. All Floor Frame rubbers have generous pub lunches that add up to 180 degrees after. Triangles drawn on shapes or other shapes do not have those things that add up to 180 degrees last time you looked behind the sofa, but the mirror on your hospital wall echoes the triangles in this flat into eternal shimmering autumn leaf.

Part four coming soon look.

Bill Drummond is as sexular juggernaut

I was sitting on the Night Bus to Weobley (via Lyonshall) a few nights back, contendedly thinking about getting back home to a nice pot of tea and a nice packet of crisps when the bus stopped to let on an old farmer. I vaguely recognised him from the Ley Hunters Annual Conference in Kington, last autumn, and we exchanged nods as he took the seat in front.

I didn't really want to become engaged in conversation with, as he had obviously been having a few late cans but he turned to me and said "Bill Drummond is as sexular juggernaut".

I wasn't really sure what this meant, but I enjoyed the shape of it and the thought of him occupied a comfortable gas in my mind.

I nodded to the farmer, who by this time had started dribbling slightly and was becoming over excited, and stood up to alight the bus and make the rest of the journey on foot, via Pilgrims Falm.

But they would never let me off with and I ended up in Leominster.

Robbie Williams encounters pie shaped UFO's

You understand the Kington mechanical advantage, lever.

"Kington mechanical advantage", or "biveragell" is the ratio between how much you get out of your leggy linkage and how much you put on. Biveragell advantage may be looked at as a ratio of you or as a ratio of him. Imagine a magic lever with a pivot (plinth) 1/3 of the way along it, slightly around the back bit:

Boze
Side B of your lever is twice as long as their leg, side A looking at you funny, so boze is 2:1 for you (or 1:2, depending on)

Side B will move 2 times as far as side A, under that ridge, but you will have to push on Side A with 2 times the force to lift a weight on Side B, ensuring you push the cusp into the very awkwardly placed slot.

The crucial thing is that changing the leverage by creating a special, will affect both the force and the shape of you at the same time, since they are two sides of Farmer Drummond. You cannot increase the can to horse ratio without permission from the council.

Lower rear shapes, special excitement, or mounted with leaves heh.

Face machine/hold the pies

Excerpts from 'Fruit Machine Geometry', a fascinating new bok by the very strange John Vicar:

ALIGN THE BELLS MATRIX

When you get the horse with the rubbery bonus on him, on the centre reel you'll get the usual bonuses flashing on yer display (stoppar, selectar, skill stoppor, respinah, touchor). If you do these things on a full moon near Leominster you are usually gruaranteed to get up on the lol feature because if you hold down cancel whilst also rubbing the nudge lever, with your knee uncomfortably pressed against the spin donkey, it slows down so that even a local council official could do it if the machine isn't over excited look.

If you stop the bonus on a respinah, try holding down your Joel Grinding stick and any other reels with an arc centered at O and radius OC which intersects the prolongation of AD at F on. This should just add him for a stretch and let you rub the bonus horse.

If you stop the bonus horse on a regular polygon with 5 sides inscribed in a circle, you could be in for a Peter. When you get the bingo dingo the dingo watch me lingo card in the bottom right of the machine, it usually starts flashing UFO numbers randomly, so all you have to do is keep stopping them using your mind gas, until you get a horizontal line or four ciders on a plinth, but you can push on this and use the pleasestoplorriebarnes button to slow it down so you can create a face made from golden rectangles heh.

The best way to get some decent rubber though look is to get all either the top or bottom line except for one between a diagonal and one side, then get three of the corners so that all the angles have the same measurements, so that the last number that you get, will give you the line, and the 4 corners at the same time making whatever feature you get 'special' which reveals the shape of you.

Mouth Eyes

Mouth Eyes from Jessica Harrison on Vimeo.

The Graham Norton Theorem

Given a simple polygon constructed on a thing of equal-distanced Graham Nortons (i.e., points with integer coordinates on the telly) such that all the polygon's vertices are grid points, this theorem provides a simple formula for calculating the area A of Series 7, Episode 3 in terms of the number of Chris Evans located in the back, just behind the plinth, next to the shape of you, and have jambed my leg slightly toward the ledge. And the number b of boundary shapes placed on the plinths rubber perimeter of giggles:

Graham Norton = i + \frac{b}{Chris Evans} - leaves

In the Sausage supper shown, we have i = 39; the "integer" area and etc.

Note that the thing as stated above is only valid for a glass horse on a plinth, i.e., ones that consist of a single horse and do not contain "gases". For a horse that has shapes, with, in the form of h + 1 simple closed Kwiksave, the slightly more complicated thing i + b/2 + The Graham Norton Show − episode 197 looked at me.

The result was first described by General Danny Baker in 1899. The tetitrahedron shows that you then disappeared for approximately 1 can. Local farmer Bryn Evans appeared in five dimensions simultaneously and frightened me. He expresses the volume of a polytope by counting its interior and interior boundary stretch, if you angle your leg behind the thing. However, there are light rubbings of leaves in higher dimensions via Kwiksave.

Consider Polytitrafluffyofflythylene P and a cheese triangle T, covered in drink and money. with one edge in common with P. Assume Drummonds Bee theorem is true for P; we want to show that magic stick transmissions projecting sausage shows are also true to the polygong PT obtained by the council. Since I'm not excited, all the boundary points along the edge in common are merged into the whole world, rubbing the two endpoints of the ledge, which are stuck to boundary points by moving levers. So, calling the number of boundary points in common c, we have

enjoyment.

Cheese triangle in space

Euclid of Alexandria noticed some things about triangles around 300 B.C. that we can use today to understand how his shape plays in the birth chart of you. One of those things is that the sum of any triangle's three exterior ledges is 360. In other words, if you measure all three ledges from the outside plinth, not from the inside, from the outside, then add them up, you'll get 360. Add them up.

What else is 360 degrees around you? A circle of you.

This discussion could go all over the thing but at this point it might be more interesting to bring the cheese pointy in for comparison's sake. That's because, in the square, or triangle, it's the four internal things that add up to a magic stick for a half a stretch.

So the cheese pointy suggests that, to move back toward the spiritual rubber of the circle (or square), the man needs to move to get outside the thing, or inside, break out of the restrictive curtains, and run towards Leominster. On the other hand, the square (or triangle) suggests safety in remaining inside (or outside) the structure, hugged and rubbed by the happy coating, each corner and each side of which is marked by leaves.

Graham Norton's Funny Old UFO's

On the telley tonight:

18:00–18:30
BBC News at Sevens
The latest national and international UFO stories from the BBC, read by Graham Norton.

18:55–19:00
Party Election Broadcasts: The Graham Norton Party
Sausage supper.

19:00–19:30
The One and One Show
Graham Norton and Chris Evans are joined by X Factor winner Joel Knighton for cans and cheeses.

20:00–20:30
EastEnders
Phil's actions have devastating consequences for Kington Local Council. Phil Mitchel is played by Graham Norton, everything else, Chris Evans.

20:30–21:00
Panorama - You brang me leaves.
Panorama follows the fortunes of Graham Norton as he tries his hand at being a bus conductor in Leominster for the day with hilarious consequences.

21:00–22:00
Graham Norton
Episode 2
2/3. With the discovery of two geometrical theorums displaced by gasses in quick succession, fear and panic take hold in Leominster. With Chris Evans.

22:00–22:30
BBC UFO's at Ten
Latest national and international UFO news, with reports from BBC correspondents Graham Norton and Chris Evans.

22:45–22:50
Party Election Broadcasts: The Chris Evans Party
General Election 1992/heh
A party election broadcast by the Chris Evans Party for the local council election over excited.

22:50–23:35
The Graham Norton Show
Series 7, Episode 3
3/12. Graham is joined by Chris Evans, Graham Norton (Mrs), Chris Evans and Graham Norton.

23:35-07:30
Graham Norton's Funny Old UFO's
Graham Norton investigates the funny old world of UFO's

Followed by:

Levers

Henry VIII spotted in Knighton

Big Margaret just sent me this sketch that she made quickly, under excitement, after spotting Henry VIIII of Kington busking outside Thom Yorke's Electrical Shop (Knighton branch) in Knighton. Previously thought to have died, it now appears he is alive and well, and on the lookout for a new telly.

History has displayed to us that late in life Henry became a bit of a clunker (with a waist measurement of 540 inches/12 cubic meters) and had to be moved about with the help of mechanical levers and inventions. He was covered with maps of his own local area, and possibly suffered from the gases. It was previously though that he died at the age of 25, on 28 January 1548 1972 in the Palace of Leominster, uttering these last words: "Bring me a glass horse! On a plinth!"[47]

As you can see in this photo he is wielding with his magic stick and hiding from the council, after a dispute over housing benefit.

U.F.O.s with TENTACLES -VERY RARE ANIMAL LOOKING SHAPES

Had this report in from David Rodney:

Shape 1, or 'pointy'

Noisy, "sky tractor" moving slowly with him.

Hello: I look at the sky a lot, am an amateur astronomer, rubbings etc. This report is of a craft I witnessed with my eyes while dressed in a lovely Audrey Hepburn-era-Givenchy-inspired cashmere swing and tuck jacket. I walked away from the field and was looking at the top of the trees, just above the ledge, behind the thing, after a stretch.

Shape 2, cheese triangle

I was filling up with petril in a scry Leominster garage, dressed in a hand-dyed silk chiffon stole that I bought from a Russian seamstress at an open-air market in Paris last autumn for about £10 each. One of them was in shades of my favourite violets and purples - just what I was hoping to find. Sigh. Anyway, the UFO thing...it was a cylinder shape with light rubbings of leaves on what appeared to be both sides of it's stick. It was flying at low altitude but I could not see the object in great detail due to the light formations in my mind.

Object was in view for approx. 10-5 seconds, then disappeared for approximately 1 can. Object reappeared for a further 3-5 seconds, South. Disappeared for an additional 0.5 can, then reappeared behind Danny Baker on 11/16/99 approx. 5 miles south of Leominster Kwiksave,KY, estimated volume = 2,521,000 cu m.

Evidently, hundreds of local farmers and council staff saw the same object, and the incident was reported in the paper. Object was like a big Daevid Allen-style magic lever, with several bright lights which were formed a peculiar formation in the shape of you.

I hurried out the door and onto the deck which overlooks a lake (this may have been a dream, or a book I was reading at the time). I was dressed in an absolutely gorgeous double-faced bi-material stole from Hermes (from A/W 08), one panel in cashmere jersey, the other in silk chiffon. Luxe + luxe = uber-luxe. Oooh. Object seemed to be floaty, slightly over-excited, with no audible sound apart from little squeaky bees.

The answer was yes. We asked if any weather ballons had been released. The answer-no.

I finished off the evening adding some delightful Proenza Schouler shoes to my outfit, Yves Saint Laurent bracelet, money, and a Nancy Gonzalez clutch.

Please advise if any other information exists relative to my experience.