Baileys Space Castle

Intergalactic electronic communication transmitted via the ether's, translated into geometric sound waves via the UMMU audio generators.

Danny Baker's Cascob Owl Fury

I was walken down o'er thrid towards Cascob like, along dat UFO road with the owls. You know the one, the one with the owls. Anyway's, I was walken down this road and it was getten dark like, and I'm not afraid to tell you that I was getten a bit scared like. All those funny owls looking at me, and then there's the UFO thing around the Radnor Forest...proper scary like.

I'm not sure how I got on that road as the last thing I could remember was being at the Swan in Kington. I'd had a few ciders laiyek and been deep in conversation with local baker Danny Baker. He was in a right old state like and really goin on about owls and Cascob and triangles and Radnor pyramids all that stuff that makes my head go funny if I think about it for too long.

Forget about that though, I'm tellen ye about the owl road, the one that leads to Cascob along the ole ridge. After a couple of miles I spotted a weird thing in the hedge. Like a cross between a small car and a big egg shaped thing. It looked a bit battered and wasted, like me LMFAO, and I stood and looked at him for a bit. I kept looking, and after I'd plucked up the courage, I went and rubbed it for a bit. It felt like a sort of wet rubber. I lifted the big flap thing on the front, and by squeezing into the front section, and ducking my head in I could just about reach the centre if I bent my leg around. Inside was a photo of Banny and a series of levers and complicated sums.

I was just getten comfy when I heard someone outside SHOUTEN AT THE RUBBER EGG at which point I forgot everything

Wibbly was rayet

I visited Romany 'Banny' Barnard down at his caravan in Builth last week, as he was having a special offer on his painted 'Eggworld' tins. In between mouthfuls of 'Larabum Pie', and careful to avoid the crumb laden spray from said pie, he tole me about 'thab aliens on der telly enut'.

In fact he's started writing a book about his suspicions, focussing on the changing shapes of Soap Celebrity, and their alien shape-shifting properties. Titled 'Wibbly was rayet', it's going to be a lavishly illustrated delight.

'Id ayent rayet' he tole me, 'thab aliens gumminaget poor ole Banny enut like'. After sharing some dubious looking 'cider', and getting a headache from his barking dogs I made my excuses to leave. His caravan was a jumble of broken computers, metal frames and giant wooden triangles and squeezing my way through them was difficult. I had to duck under a giant rubber octogram decorated with leaves, getting my leg around the back angle before painfully edging though the small gap at the bottom.

On my return to Kington I spoke at length with the council, warning them about theb shape shifting aliens getting over-excited enut

Cascob Bucket Alien

"I pud im in thad bucket look"

I was standing at the entrance to 'Rubber' Dennis Jones' barn, over Cascob way. Everything smelled of cow, but that was probably because of the cows. He'd sent me an 'electronic message' to my phone see as he knew I was into these UFO's, and tole me "I found an alien look up at top field like, so you better come down 'ere and look at thisun".

 Off I went, and so here I am on a cold, wet, night standing by a barn instead of in front of the telley, or getting cidered up at The Swan.

Anyway, I thought I'd better get on with it. I stepped into the barn, which was badly lit, but still enough light so I could still see THE THING in the bucket. It's hard to describe and I'm a man of few numbers but I'll do my best. In the bucket before me I could see what looked like a pile of dark, green jelly triangles, covered in wee. At first I thought it was some old farmers dinner, or a bit of left over agricultural geometry but as I got closer I swear the blummen thing moved like.

 I'd like to say I stayed and investigated the matter in a full and professional manner. Instead I became over-excited and ran down the lane away from that TERRIBLE THING before coming into contact with a series of fences and gates, which slowed me down as I had to bend under into the small holes and get my arm twisted back, restricting my breathing slightly, so I could squeeze underneath and back on the road up to Beggars Bush. I tole the council about it but they weren't interested......AS USUAL.

Triangular lea-ves

The thing is prone to become hairless with age. The infenlorescce is a spike of several rubbery council levers, and if you look carefully at the rotating mesh atop the back ledge you might make out a tiny horse. The horse is being chased by a gas version of Big Margaret separated by the flimsiest of plinths.

FREAKY STICK ALIENS FOUND IN ME

A retired couple was having trouble with your shape, but mity-ca-hasaaange/lofm htured yopi awhile back? In which they pushed the door? Well multiple UFO break-ins in their farm, aimed their Stick-like creatures behind the thing, but they seem to transfer weight onto the thrid and they are all here.

What are these!? Nightcrawlers? Sticktit? Wigfrinkllrns? Something new? What? Autumn leaf by a-aprens so-called “stiterest inhcuren” was taken from someone’s front yae sections.

7. Video visitors. They caught these things on their special andexplae and called me over to see because they know I am ahad povcation any conneideo. Andy. They gave me this outooking ob unt perhing but I can’t figure out what shape they are! Triangle cheese pointy or conical mib? The family difamily in Fresno Califo seems to be a new council rubber, not what appears, old ‘stick, thien lien’ ab that seemstedson.

I noticed round the back of Kwiksave that it's the same object, only this time it’s in a different loinable.

Tractor was approached by a rubbery UFO

Councillor Wynn Evans allegedly banned reporting of the “bizarre” incident, off the east ridge towards Gladestry, for half a century amid fears disclosures about unidentitified flying UFO's would create a stench about the locals.

He is said to have made the orders during a standing up drink with US General Reese Griffiths, the then commander of the whole thing, at an undisclosed location in The Swan public house, Kington.

The claims are contained in millions of drawings and pictures of declassified files on shapes, projected onto a curtin in Evancoyd WI by the Reverend John Naughty during one of his boring touristy speeches.

During his thing he said, on the English coast, possibly near Kington, their tractor was approached by a rubbery UFO which showered them with leaves, that were covered in a special gas encapsulating the surprise. Their shape on the floor read a proper message for them.

Photographs and a drawing of the object, which the man claimed had arranged a few cushions near you, were taken by the Graham Norton Plinth Society and reserved for special.

“Mr Graham Norton is reported to have made a declaration to the effect of the following: ‘Thivvent sateorse mass-panic adoneur Hand, the general population buppy bag7 of levers lol'"

The Leominster Rectangle

Just had this one in from an old love over Brilley way:

Dear Sir, I wish to inform you that on August 28, 2010, at 12:30 PM, near the ridge, my husband Wally and I observed seven separate lights in a rubbery symmetrical alignment over here. The lights began to rotate and oscillate like an oscillating spinning top, mimicking my spindle. The lights almost took the form of a map, something like a grid, or plinth. Then the lights began to fade and disappear one by one. Then they came back on again. Then they faded out again, one by one. Then on again. It was like a big thing covered in lights, peering from behind a sky curtin, looking at you.

We grabbed a carrier and filled it with cans and headed to our friend's house a few fields away and as we turned the corner a tractor stopped in the road and the old farmer fell out onto the road, laughing. I rolled down my window and asked if he had seen the lights too and he said, "Ightseter nport torional UFO" which made me giggle.

We have contacted the council regarding this issue and they have not done nothing.

That's a story.

Simon Cowell: "UFO's are funny"

At last weeks Painscastle UFO Society meeting Simon Cowell (not that one, Bill Cowells boy over Brilley way...) shocked members by standing up and making the following statement:

"No offence Wynn (he'd just interrupted Wynn Griffiths, Chairman of the society, during his lecture on UFO shapes) but I think UFO's are funny like. I know yous boys think different, right, but me an the lads set one up, right, out on top of fathers field."

This revelation caused a damp ripple of excitement in the hall. He continued:

"We got an old portable chicken shed, right, and just for a laugh like painted him silver like. We didn't mean nuthin by it look, it was just for a laugh. We used shovels for levers, and painted ALIEN GAS on the side. It was just a bit of fun, heh."

At this point Big Margaret raised her hand and asked Simon when this 'prank' had been constructed. The response caused the hall to erupt into chaos, with farmers shouting out and knocking over chairs and that. It turns out that several of the old boys had seen something very similar rise up into the air and take off at speed over Hergest Ridge.

"Yeah well it did disappear from the field right, but we reckon it was the council."

ALIEN BASES ON THE MOON

There is a big old alien farm complex on the far side of Leominster. This sounds far fetched, but it is true look and we have solid proof see, straight from the council.

In 1994, the US Navy sent a satellite called Rodney/Rodneys to Leominster to image it for two months. During that time, the satellite took 211.8 million images. Out of those images, 456,170,000 images were made available to locals. The rest were hidden behind a ledge, just out of the reach of your right hand, below a difficult to reach thing. Classified gas cannisters?

Within the 2345,56,000 images available, there are many obviously censored images of incredibly massive local structures, several of these are built mostly of stones, mud, leaves and gas, and covered in a sort of rubber nappy. The sheer quality of these structures eliminates the possibility that they were built by local farmers, the number of trips by space tractors carrying plinths and cans would be bigger than Joel Drummond.

Here are the links to the images. Please understand that you are accessing the images directly from a top secret official image archive surrounded by bees. You will see drawings with huge, local pyramids that have been “rubbed” with leaves to hide the shape of you. I will give a brief description of each old cider alignment.

UFO garage, like a garage:

[click here]

This second image shows two plinths that have been censored and had rubbers applied.

[click here]

This third image shows another absolutely massive woman who has been censored and aligned with levers. Here it is:

[click here]

This fourth image is my favourite heh. Again, this structure has been censored and covered in drink and money, but parts of the shape can be seen poking out of him, especially on the right side which looks like a tiny horse I'm not excited

it will take steps:

Unexplained sheep attacks caused by aliens in UFOs claim experts

More Radnor Forest shenanigans: County Times report

The lights kept changing shape see and emitting beams of light and small leaves that covered large areas of distance in a tinkle of cans. At times the spheres would morph into the shape of you, firing beams of love to the ground and discharging a gaseous stench that darted backwards and forwards across the valley floor as though they were looking for something they had left behind, just the previous Tuesday...

Mystery temples located by wacko radar

First we'll start with the energetic properties of Polytitrafluffyofflythylene. A Polytitrafluffyofflythylene ridge consists of a uniform structure of horse rubber molecules(SiO2/1973). The alignment these molecules create is always the same see, throughout the entire thing look. When their levers are rubbed or squeezed, heh, the pressure is dispersed throughout the entire pencil and a gaseous stench is released. This in turn causes over excitement, a measurable and uniform energy science has termed "The Afternoon Delights".

There is a simultaneous row of Noggings, evenly spaced next door to Kwiksave, and this piezoelectric energy is being released by lightly squeezing Councillor Drummond. The blinblinlibblylilibblyli energy is uniform like a whole stretch. When cans are cast in Elvis face toast, such as in the Leominster Rumbler, they are constantly being squeezed from the pressure of you.

This means they are always blah blah blah while drawing in blah blah blah from the please don't lorrie barnes so that it may be made into Daevids magic stick transmissions projecting sausage gas and released (this is an ongoing cycle) into mental council shapes.

Alien gas people cause a stench in Kington

I have just been sent this one from a farmer from Builth who signs himself off as 'Old Licky' and share it with you for your enjoyment.

The experience happened that night around 1:30 am - just a few hours after a giant hand had been witnessed in the area. I was walking south toward Kwiksave, in the northern segment of Kington, when I heard a noise from the doorway to the Ridgeway pub. I walked back to the doorway and turned on a magic torch I was carrying about myself, to see what the noise could have been. I flipped on my light and saw the rubbery, sweating form of a human face walking toward me, attached to a gaseous like body shaped like a slightly rotund, middle aged radio presenter.

It was looking out the windows to its right as it was walking and I could hear the sound of cans banging against themselves, as if contained within a plastic carrier bag type arrangement. The light from my magic torch shone right through this gas person, illuminating crisps with money.

At this time, the gas person saw that there was some light on itself. It looked at its arm (where my light was on it), rubbed it a little, then looked at me and dashed behind the door frame of the smaller hallway it was in. I couldn't quite see where it had gone as it was awkwardly hidden, and I would have had to have jambed my leg slightly toward the ledge, just under the cusp to gain entry - even for a short stretch.

I thought to myself, 'This is the physical form of an alien stench! I have to inform the local council!' So as the shadow dashed behind the door frame I rushed forward on my knees, hoping to encapsulate a picture of the gas, in my mind, for the relevant authorities.

Alas I was unfortunate in my endeavours and knocked myself unconscious. I awoke several hours later, dishevelled, surrounded by a platic bag emblazoned with the Leominster Bargain Booze logo and a series of empty cans. This seemed to cause a bit of disruption with the landlord who rejected my story of living gas.

Graham Norton shaped UFO over Herefordshire - day 23

We heard reports from Big Margaret that a UFO in the shape of Bill Drummond, the telley presenter, was spotted hovering over some farms around Herefordshire following old cider alignments. There was no sound, though the clanking of cans could be heard, maybe this was the auto-drive energy compartment or somebody moving his levers.

The council have said it's "nothing to do with us look". We are trying to locate photographs of this incident, so please send them in here now if you have any now look if you can be bothered.

UFO Sightings 2009 Orb Triangle

UFO shapes in the air, buzzing around a giant space telescope operated by tiny men. Wavy hand camera operation cannot ruin the fact that this is a brilliant film of over-excited alien bees.

Creepy Aliens on Top of Building in Mexico

Big Margaret sent me thissun. Creepy Aliens on Top of Building in Mexico. In her covering email she goes on to say:

Never go to him store without my list. And never go for "just one can" if you can haha possibly avoid them. The reasons are manifold: without a list, you are at the mercy of the store's giant rubber tubes that follow your mind and your own memory tin. You're liable to buy the whole farm by the time you get back to your car, or barn. It's a similar problem with going to the store for "just one can". You may be tempted to "impulse buy another can, or cans". Don't! Just Say 'flohingaliayadr' to busting your levers. Prepare your face carefully, research your new alignments, make a list and stick it on your thing.

I'm not quite sure how this relates to the video, maybe it was a MISTAKE but I've put him on there just in case look.

Avebury Manor Crop Circle- 2012 and Nibiru: Part 2

Avebury Manor, Wiltshire, England crop circle update. The original was done on 15 July, a week later they came back and finished it off. 2012 seems to be the message they are giving us, who THEY are, I don't know. Somebody is trying to tell us something and I don't think its Carlsberg.

Tiny UFO discovered in Bruce Forsythias ear

No, not that one, Bruce from Builth, also known as 'The Fish Man'. I was sent this by 'Dan, 22' from Builth, and he tells me his drawing of him shows the shape of a tiny ufo inside his ear-hole, just next to the side of his face look. Dan says that 'although him UFO is tiny look, it's about 12000 feet inside and is big enough for a couple of pubs an that, we've all been there'.

I'm not sure what to think about this one, I can't see anything unusual in their painting, which may have been faked anyway, but I will consult my Book Of UFO Shapes to look see.

Alien farmers on Moon and Mars

Alien Farmers from Big Margaret - this reminds me of a forgotten B-movie from the 1980s or 1930's that you’d occasionally catch out of the corner of your eyeye on a Saturday afternoon in the pub – absurd in it premise, but shamefully enticing in its gasses. Alien Farmers opens with a UFO chase through Radnorshire that culminates in a tractor crashing sideways into Leominster bus shelter millions of years in the past. When the large, multi-eyed locals open the downed tractor the little guys with the big eyes have a surprise waiting for them in the shape of a magic stick, coated with...oh hang on, wrong film.

The Hidden Stone Meditation

It is in the nature of human psychology and stuff that an event as dramatic as contact with alien intelligence from Leominster cannot be thought about without clear alignments, and an absence of that rubbery stench. Most of us, I'm certain, prefer to believe that non-locals would arrive in our town as friendly, helpful falmers, eager to share their technology and to aid us in fixing our tractors. Upon this basic and very human wish certain people have erected a powerful plinth, topped with a tiny glass horse, and erected a kind of ledge in front so you can't quite see the shape of him. Our hopes, hardened into a kind of theology, can be described as a local council election, willed into existence after the decline of our more traditional drinking festivals. After all, we have been told more than once that Elvis is dead. The question is...which one?