Robbie Williams encounters pie shaped UFO's

You understand the Kington mechanical advantage, lever.

"Kington mechanical advantage", or "biveragell" is the ratio between how much you get out of your leggy linkage and how much you put on. Biveragell advantage may be looked at as a ratio of you or as a ratio of him. Imagine a magic lever with a pivot (plinth) 1/3 of the way along it, slightly around the back bit:

Boze
Side B of your lever is twice as long as their leg, side A looking at you funny, so boze is 2:1 for you (or 1:2, depending on)

Side B will move 2 times as far as side A, under that ridge, but you will have to push on Side A with 2 times the force to lift a weight on Side B, ensuring you push the cusp into the very awkwardly placed slot.

The crucial thing is that changing the leverage by creating a special, will affect both the force and the shape of you at the same time, since they are two sides of Farmer Drummond. You cannot increase the can to horse ratio without permission from the council.

Lower rear shapes, special excitement, or mounted with leaves heh.

Henry VIII spotted in Knighton

Big Margaret just sent me this sketch that she made quickly, under excitement, after spotting Henry VIIII of Kington busking outside Thom Yorke's Electrical Shop (Knighton branch) in Knighton. Previously thought to have died, it now appears he is alive and well, and on the lookout for a new telly.

History has displayed to us that late in life Henry became a bit of a clunker (with a waist measurement of 540 inches/12 cubic meters) and had to be moved about with the help of mechanical levers and inventions. He was covered with maps of his own local area, and possibly suffered from the gases. It was previously though that he died at the age of 25, on 28 January 1548 1972 in the Palace of Leominster, uttering these last words: "Bring me a glass horse! On a plinth!"[47]

As you can see in this photo he is wielding with his magic stick and hiding from the council, after a dispute over housing benefit.

Tiny UFO discovered in Bruce Forsythias ear

No, not that one, Bruce from Builth, also known as 'The Fish Man'. I was sent this by 'Dan, 22' from Builth, and he tells me his drawing of him shows the shape of a tiny ufo inside his ear-hole, just next to the side of his face look. Dan says that 'although him UFO is tiny look, it's about 12000 feet inside and is big enough for a couple of pubs an that, we've all been there'.

I'm not sure what to think about this one, I can't see anything unusual in their painting, which may have been faked anyway, but I will consult my Book Of UFO Shapes to look see.

Welcome to Soraya Space

Bumped into 'The Shuffler' around the lake yesterday and arranged to collect some old Soraya Space tapes to convert onto CD. It was thought he'd gone underground, and remained hidden despite repeated attempts by The Gaffer, and The Vicar to locate him, but it appears they were simply looking in the wrong place.

Abnormal service will now resume.

Stonehenge alien tin photo

Right, finally got that photo mentioned in the last story from Les. I've got a suspicion that he may have edited it slightly though. Dunno, look what you think see:

The Leominster Orb

Today I'd like to talk about 'mysterious orbs'. You know the ones. Some people believe they are invisible evidence of alien spirits. However, many local researchers doubt whether orbs are ufo's at all. One popular theory proposes orbs are a form of energy that is used by ghosts and spookies to transport themselves, via Leominster, to the higher realms - like some big, round, glowing taxi. No one knows whether spirits are able to consciously harness this energy for use around the farm, but the same researchers theorise that the energy being transformed takes the form of a sphere, and this is why orbs appear as round balls, because they take the form of a sphere, or giant circle. Or ball.

Orbs are often witnessed at locations where some form of full moon festivity has reportedly taken place. Skeptics point out that instead of indicating something otherworldly, these occurrences can easily be explained away as:

* Local cider alignments
* Round tractors
* UFO's
* Giant circles
* Round balls

Some instances where orbs have shown up may be explained in the theories listed above, but can these theories possibly account for every instance of giant balls? That would mean that a lot of bewildered locals are making mistakes and getting the wrong end of the lever, or stick and seeing balls where they shouldn't. It would seem the truth lies somewhere in between Kington and Leominster.

Some investigators think that orbs that are either white or rubbery in appearance are an indication that a little man is trapped inside. It may also be a sign that the man is there to offer protection to local farmers. Rubbery energy is typically perceived as positive in nature, but don't touch it with your stick/smells a bit funny.

Keep in mind that these are just theories proposed by professional paranormal investigators, and they can't be considered real at this time. Perhaps one day parapsychologists or the council will be able to offer a definitive explanation for orb stuff. Until then, we will have to assume that it's a load of circles.

Thom Yorke Electrical Shop, Kington

I was going to put this in a new 'picture of the week' spot, but I've got another one for that with trees.

This was sent to me by Emrys Hughes and shows the old electrical shop in the high street. I don't think it's connected to the boy from Radiohead though as this was in the nineteen hunnerts like.

It's great to see the old 'full english breakfast' sculpture again. Uncle Ron used to tease me when I were a boy that it was made from real sausages, which of course is nonsense. What a card.

The Elvis Stones

I was sent this photo by Bryn Edwards from Pontypridd. He tells me:

"We were coming back from The Crown Inn late one night in 1996, on our way to a mates place (with a few take-outs) in Kinnerton. There were a few of us staying, including members of the Kinnerton School of Existential Phenomenology Studies. We'd had a good night, a few pints, but there'd been a bit of a debate in the pub with another local, who favoured the transcendental phenomenological approach. For us, phenomenological reduction means leading phenomenological vision back from the apprehension of a being, whatever may be the character of that apprehension, to the understanding of the Being of this being (projecting upon the way it is unconcealed kind of thing). A bout of arm wrestling soon proved us right though. Anyway, as we walked along the lane we thought we'd take a photo of the Radnor Four Stones in the moonlight. It was a bit spooky, and my mate Reg said he's seen a figure with a horn, but I thought he were mucking about like. Anyway, when I got me photos back from Boots there was this one with, I think, ghosts in it."

Personally I can't see nothing strange about it, but the enlargement does show some very slight facial characteristics. I have humorously titled him 'Elvis', and for a bit of fun, have altered the local ley map on my wall to now read 'The Elvis Stones'. It's only a bit of fun, and my guess is that Bryn and the lads were having a lark, using lambing torches, a curtain, and possibly some levers to achieve the spooky photographic effect.

Donkey over Evenjobb

In what appears to be the result of extraterrestrial encounters, donkey sanctuaries are reporting a rash of donkey disappearances in Radnorshires heartland.

Eyewitnesses claim to have seen alien beings combing donkey pastures for what they call a “magic stick” that enhances leg leverage, promotes contant alignments, prevents rusting, and takes the edge off hair loss.

“This wonder stick is exactly what we’ve been looking for,” declared Len Capstick in a recent interview. “Thanks to this 'magic stick', our citizens will have a souvenir shop, free car park, picnic tables, ice cream and tea gardens with panoramic view of the Dales."

Klingon Elvis

Elvis plays with provoked energy near the library, Kington, and finds leaves. He scratches a smell of leaves (maybe Kington) into Dai Magnets olde Ford Escort, parked around the back of Kwiksave. He compares geometry circles with leading Evencoyd W.I. Sergent Martha Tidbury. Alas, she wails...Why won't Elvis fly?