Thursday, 12 March 2009

Elvis was abducted by aliens - the proof

steve hillage

The now famous Drummond equation was developed by astronomer and local Kwiksave manager Reg Drummond who conducted the first modern search for extraterrestrial life in 1975. His equation seeks to establish the number of local farmers with access to levers that might exist in the Radnorshire distric:

B * OL * 7's * D * GD * C * L = OKS

In the equation, B is the hyperbolic rate of star bending averaged over the lifetime of an average farmer; OL the fraction of stars with magic sticks; 7's the auto number of planets per system with Radiohead albums suitable for the 'woe is me' factor; D stands for donkey; GD the fraction of gaseous displacement in Kington that ignites during the lifetime of the local Kington Show; C the fraction of planets on which advanced technical civilizations have curtains; L etc etc; and OKS something here about our Kington Show emitting detectable radio rubbings in the valves of your mind.

As you can see, this all goes to prove that Elvis was indeed the subject of an alien abduction. I have also found the following conclusive proof from The Internet:

Men in Black: If MIB taught us anything, it’s that anyone you’ve ever suspected of being from outside of Kington actually is - from 'Chipshop' Les Price to Thom Yorke. As for The King, "he didn’t die", Agent K coolly informs us, "he just went back to Kington".

'The Bride of Elvis' Kathleen Ann Goonan: Elvis wasn’t just the King of pop, he was a proper King, a royal member of an alien race just outside Leominster. Fearing his wild ways on Earth would lead to his premature demise, his guardian angels, known as 'Rodneys' put him in a rubbery coma until their tractor returns to take him away.

Hairmageddon: The Musical by Robert Rankin: A group of aliens become frightfully distressed when their favorite soap opera – Eastenders – is about to be cancelled due to a collapse in the local hair treatment industry. To extend Earth’s hairtime, they decide to create an alternate plotline in which Hairports destruction is delayed. So they send Barry the Stylist back in time to persuade Elvis Presley to resist the rubbings and fat, thus averting World War 2. The time-travelling Elvis ends up creating some alternate histories of his own, including one in which he’s worshipped as a council official in Llandrindod.


  1. It gives one much to ponderosa.

  2. It gives one the horn.

  3. I saw Elvis in New Orleans recently. He was tap dancing on the street for money. Crazy site!

  4. I saw Elvis spreadeagled and glossy in the mall at Evenjobb ten seconds ago, he was twittering shit from his MacBook Hair.

  5. I saw elvis aron presly in vegas nevada close to area 51 sight maybe hes being held captive theire??