Thursday, 28 October 2010

The Leominster Rectangle

bill drummond

Just had this one in from an old love over Brilley way:

Dear Sir, I wish to inform you that on August 28, 2010, at 12:30 PM, near the ridge, my husband Wally and I observed seven separate lights in a rubbery symmetrical alignment over here. The lights began to rotate and oscillate like an oscillating spinning top, mimicking my spindle. The lights almost took the form of a map, something like a grid, or plinth. Then the lights began to fade and disappear one by one. Then they came back on again. Then they faded out again, one by one. Then on again. It was like a big thing covered in lights, peering from behind a sky curtin, looking at you.

We grabbed a carrier and filled it with cans and headed to our friend's house a few fields away and as we turned the corner a tractor stopped in the road and the old farmer fell out onto the road, laughing. I rolled down my window and asked if he had seen the lights too and he said, "Ightseter nport torional UFO" which made me giggle.

We have contacted the council regarding this issue and they have not done nothing.

That's a story.

Saturday, 16 October 2010

Simon Cowell: "UFO's are funny"

At last weeks Painscastle UFO Society meeting Simon Cowell (not that one, Bill Cowells boy over Brilley way...) shocked members by standing up and making the following statement:

"No offence Wynn (he'd just interrupted Wynn Griffiths, Chairman of the society, during his lecture on UFO shapes) but I think UFO's are funny like. I know yous boys think different, right, but me an the lads set one up, right, out on top of fathers field."

This revelation caused a damp ripple of excitement in the hall. He continued:

"We got an old portable chicken shed, right, and just for a laugh like painted him silver like. We didn't mean nuthin by it look, it was just for a laugh. We used shovels for levers, and painted ALIEN GAS on the side. It was just a bit of fun, heh."

At this point Big Margaret raised her hand and asked Simon when this 'prank' had been constructed. The response caused the hall to erupt into chaos, with farmers shouting out and knocking over chairs and that. It turns out that several of the old boys had seen something very similar rise up into the air and take off at speed over Hergest Ridge.

"Yeah well it did disappear from the field right, but we reckon it was the council."

Friday, 15 October 2010

Russell Brandy Butter

I had this one in from 'Farmer Drummond' yesterday who also signed himself off as 'Autumn Leaf':

We have heard stories that the circle energy left Kington High Street in May and was replaced by another thing, or gas, but we are with you still and will continue to evolve with your shapes, and smell the other Beings of Rubbery Gas currently known as "with".

Yet, our roles observing crisps and money is changing, and we are indeed moving into our new, more awkward positions to work with your alignments as Co-creators of The Stench. For, on this plinth, you are the horse and we serve you by providing drink and touching you with levers. We serve to share crisps and council triangles so that you may better carry out your work as Farmers of the New Earth in a continuation of my excitement.

My thanks to Autumn Leaf for that one, I like that one or something.

Friday, 1 October 2010

The Russell Brand Center Explanations

joel grounds

The Russell Wheel Center begins at the number, and increases one unit clockwise dressed as a comedy pirate. The red line shows a full rotation, or 360 degrees up you from a price of 34 that would target a rubber flange.

The turn on the tractor unit is faster, but the turn on the tractor unit is slower. All you can do, is get as much practice using the tractor unit as possible - it will become second-nature eventually, like some sort of thing. The technique is the same, but the way the tractor unit behaves is different, but eventually the whole thing will become second-nature, and as predictable as Graham Norton popping up on.

Big Brenda told me: "You need to practise. It's like anything, the more you do it the easier it gets. Cant you stay late at work and practice reversing into the bays?" And later, rather bewilderingly: "Bring me a glass horse! On a plinth!"[47]

Such wobbly hand analysis can be made to look extremely complex, like a really complicated shape. But like Fibonacci Retracements, wielding with his magic stick, like a whole stretch. Because the number 15 is aligned with zero we need make no further adjustments to the shape of you.

Draw a circle that touches all four sides of the Bill Drummond. The circle has 360 degrees to complete a full blinblinlibblylilibblyli rotation inside sausage gas. The top of the circle can be viewed into Daevids magic stick as our starting point, or "hranger found them". Now divide the circle into equal wangers. As we move clockwise to the right wangle we rub against the 45 degree unit of the wangerlee. The first shape at the right triangle is 90 degrees and is released by squeezing Bill Drummond. Continue shuffling clockwise until we return to Leominster Kwiksave and complete the journey around the car park with a carrier full of cans.


Thursday, 30 September 2010

The Leominster UFO Geometry Club

bill drummond pie circle

Leominster UFO Geometry Club - located in the centre of town, near the bank. The new revamp that has earned it a spot among the hottest clubs in town. The ceiling is made of 5000 polygonal rubber plinths depicting a range of local events, and illuminating you with crisps.

The opening event: "A confusion of money, and drink" attracted over 7,300 visitors to them. Key to the success was the seven month PR campaign broadcast via the telley.

“Setting up an events division is the logical progression for business, and a line segment within a shape that rubs against 2 points on them” explains Brenda Rope, Managing Director of it. “As an established PR agency which has traditionally offered event management as cartesian coordinate realignment via Kington pulleys, the PR and marketing support we are able to push into them has proved critical to new factory curtain opening, looking sideways in the mirror, or over excitement.

The opening event was attended by celebrity radio presenter Danny Bacon, TV personality Bill Drummond* and is like a slice of pie (a circle wedge).

For further information contact:

* not that one

Friday, 24 September 2010

Build your own UFO, part 5

bill drummond

Before we begin, it's helpful to understand some concepts behind the shape of you.

Types of levers
UFO's are usually hemispheres (parts of helicopters, like half a sandwich) made up of triangles. We call these 'come-jiggers'. The 'come-jiggers' have 3 things:

* the face - your face
* the ledge - the wavy hand between you
* the Bottom Plate - where farm edge meets with

All triangles have two faces of you (one viewed from inside the heads of giant women and one viewed from the centre of Leominster), three ledges, one plinth, and three stick.

There can be many different lengths in the edges between angles, and sticks between rubbery alignments, and magnets of shapes in a triangle pointy shape of magnets of you. All Floor Frame rubbers have generous pub lunches that add up to 180 degrees after. Triangles drawn on shapes or other shapes do not have those things that add up to 180 degrees last time you looked behind the sofa, but the mirror on your hospital wall echoes the triangles in this flat into eternal shimmering autumn leaf.

Part four coming soon look.

Thursday, 23 September 2010

Bill Drummond is as sexular juggernaut

dave brock

I was sitting on the Night Bus to Weobley (via Lyonshall) a few nights back, contendedly thinking about getting back home to a nice pot of tea and a nice packet of crisps when the bus stopped to let on an old farmer. I vaguely recognised him from the Ley Hunters Annual Conference in Kington, last autumn, and we exchanged nods as he took the seat in front.

I didn't really want to become engaged in conversation with, as he had obviously been having a few late cans but he turned to me and said "Bill Drummond is as sexular juggernaut".

I wasn't really sure what this meant, but I enjoyed the shape of it and the thought of him occupied a comfortable gas in my mind.

I nodded to the farmer, who by this time had started dribbling slightly and was becoming over excited, and stood up to alight the bus and make the rest of the journey on foot, via Pilgrims Falm.

But they would never let me off with and I ended up in Leominster.

Robbie Williams encounters pie shaped UFO's

bill drummond pie

You understand the Kington mechanical advantage, lever.

"Kington mechanical advantage", or "biveragell" is the ratio between how much you get out of your leggy linkage and how much you put on. Biveragell advantage may be looked at as a ratio of you or as a ratio of him. Imagine a magic lever with a pivot (plinth) 1/3 of the way along it, slightly around the back bit:

Side B of your lever is twice as long as their leg, side A looking at you funny, so boze is 2:1 for you (or 1:2, depending on)

Side B will move 2 times as far as side A, under that ridge, but you will have to push on Side A with 2 times the force to lift a weight on Side B, ensuring you push the cusp into the very awkwardly placed slot.

The crucial thing is that changing the leverage by creating a special, will affect both the force and the shape of you at the same time, since they are two sides of Farmer Drummond. You cannot increase the can to horse ratio without permission from the council.

Lower rear shapes, special excitement, or mounted with leaves heh.

Monday, 2 August 2010

Face machine/hold the pies

Excerpts from 'Fruit Machine Geometry', a fascinating new bok by the very strange John Vicar:


When you get the horse with the rubbery bonus on him, on the centre reel you'll get the usual bonuses flashing on yer display (stoppar, selectar, skill stoppor, respinah, touchor). If you do these things on a full moon near Leominster you are usually gruaranteed to get up on the lol feature because if you hold down cancel whilst also rubbing the nudge lever, with your knee uncomfortably pressed against the spin donkey, it slows down so that even a local council official could do it if the machine isn't over excited look.

If you stop the bonus on a respinah, try holding down your Joel Grinding stick and any other reels with an arc centered at O and radius OC which intersects the prolongation of AD at F on. This should just add him for a stretch and let you rub the bonus horse.

If you stop the bonus horse on a regular polygon with 5 sides inscribed in a circle, you could be in for a Peter. When you get the bingo dingo the dingo watch me lingo card in the bottom right of the machine, it usually starts flashing UFO numbers randomly, so all you have to do is keep stopping them using your mind gas, until you get a horizontal line or four ciders on a plinth, but you can push on this and use the pleasestoplorriebarnes button to slow it down so you can create a face made from golden rectangles heh.

The best way to get some decent rubber though look is to get all either the top or bottom line except for one between a diagonal and one side, then get three of the corners so that all the angles have the same measurements, so that the last number that you get, will give you the line, and the 4 corners at the same time making whatever feature you get 'special' which reveals the shape of you.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Mouth Eyes

Mouth Eyes from Jessica Harrison on Vimeo.

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

The Graham Norton Theorem

Given a simple polygon constructed on a thing of equal-distanced Graham Nortons (i.e., points with integer coordinates on the telly) such that all the polygon's vertices are grid points, this theorem provides a simple formula for calculating the area A of Series 7, Episode 3 in terms of the number of Chris Evans located in the back, just behind the plinth, next to the shape of you, and have jambed my leg slightly toward the ledge. And the number b of boundary shapes placed on the plinths rubber perimeter of giggles:

Graham Norton = i + \frac{b}{Chris Evans} - leaves

In the Sausage supper shown, we have i = 39; the "integer" area and etc.

Note that the thing as stated above is only valid for a glass horse on a plinth, i.e., ones that consist of a single horse and do not contain "gases". For a horse that has shapes, with, in the form of h + 1 simple closed Kwiksave, the slightly more complicated thing i + b/2 + The Graham Norton Show − episode 197 looked at me.

The result was first described by General Danny Baker in 1899. The tetitrahedron shows that you then disappeared for approximately 1 can. Local farmer Bryn Evans appeared in five dimensions simultaneously and frightened me. He expresses the volume of a polytope by counting its interior and interior boundary stretch, if you angle your leg behind the thing. However, there are light rubbings of leaves in higher dimensions via Kwiksave.

Consider Polytitrafluffyofflythylene P and a cheese triangle T, covered in drink and money. with one edge in common with P. Assume Drummonds Bee theorem is true for P; we want to show that magic stick transmissions projecting sausage shows are also true to the polygong PT obtained by the council. Since I'm not excited, all the boundary points along the edge in common are merged into the whole world, rubbing the two endpoints of the ledge, which are stuck to boundary points by moving levers. So, calling the number of boundary points in common c, we have


Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Cheese triangle in space

joel grounds knighton

Euclid of Alexandria noticed some things about triangles around 300 B.C. that we can use today to understand how his shape plays in the birth chart of you. One of those things is that the sum of any triangle's three exterior ledges is 360. In other words, if you measure all three ledges from the outside plinth, not from the inside, from the outside, then add them up, you'll get 360. Add them up.

What else is 360 degrees around you? A circle of you.

This discussion could go all over the thing but at this point it might be more interesting to bring the cheese pointy in for comparison's sake. That's because, in the square, or triangle, it's the four internal things that add up to a magic stick for a half a stretch.

So the cheese pointy suggests that, to move back toward the spiritual rubber of the circle (or square), the man needs to move to get outside the thing, or inside, break out of the restrictive curtains, and run towards Leominster. On the other hand, the square (or triangle) suggests safety in remaining inside (or outside) the structure, hugged and rubbed by the happy coating, each corner and each side of which is marked by leaves.

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Graham Norton's Funny Old UFO's

Graham Norton.

On the telley tonight:

BBC News at Sevens
The latest national and international UFO stories from the BBC, read by Graham Norton.

Party Election Broadcasts: The Graham Norton Party
Sausage supper.

The One and One Show
Graham Norton and Chris Evans are joined by X Factor winner Joel Knighton for cans and cheeses.

Phil's actions have devastating consequences for Kington Local Council. Phil Mitchel is played by Graham Norton, everything else, Chris Evans.

Panorama - You brang me leaves.
Panorama follows the fortunes of Graham Norton as he tries his hand at being a bus conductor in Leominster for the day with hilarious consequences.

Graham Norton
Episode 2
2/3. With the discovery of two geometrical theorums displaced by gasses in quick succession, fear and panic take hold in Leominster. With Chris Evans.

BBC UFO's at Ten
Latest national and international UFO news, with reports from BBC correspondents Graham Norton and Chris Evans.

Party Election Broadcasts: The Chris Evans Party
General Election 1992/heh
A party election broadcast by the Chris Evans Party for the local council election over excited.

The Graham Norton Show
Series 7, Episode 3
3/12. Graham is joined by Chris Evans, Graham Norton (Mrs), Chris Evans and Graham Norton.

Graham Norton's Funny Old UFO's
Graham Norton investigates the funny old world of UFO's

Followed by:


Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Henry VIII spotted in Knighton

Big Margaret just sent me this sketch that she made quickly, under excitement, after spotting Henry VIIII of Kington busking outside Thom Yorke's Electrical Shop (Knighton branch) in Knighton. Previously thought to have died, it now appears he is alive and well, and on the lookout for a new telly.

History has displayed to us that late in life Henry became a bit of a clunker (with a waist measurement of 540 inches/12 cubic meters) and had to be moved about with the help of mechanical levers and inventions. He was covered with maps of his own local area, and possibly suffered from the gases. It was previously though that he died at the age of 25, on 28 January 1548 1972 in the Palace of Leominster, uttering these last words: "Bring me a glass horse! On a plinth!"[47]

As you can see in this photo he is wielding with his magic stick and hiding from the council, after a dispute over housing benefit.

Thursday, 29 April 2010


Had this report in from David Rodney:

Shape 1, or 'pointy'

Noisy, "sky tractor" moving slowly with him.

Hello: I look at the sky a lot, am an amateur astronomer, rubbings etc. This report is of a craft I witnessed with my eyes while dressed in a lovely Audrey Hepburn-era-Givenchy-inspired cashmere swing and tuck jacket. I walked away from the field and was looking at the top of the trees, just above the ledge, behind the thing, after a stretch.

Shape 2, cheese triangle

I was filling up with petril in a scry Leominster garage, dressed in a hand-dyed silk chiffon stole that I bought from a Russian seamstress at an open-air market in Paris last autumn for about £10 each. One of them was in shades of my favourite violets and purples - just what I was hoping to find. Sigh. Anyway, the UFO was a cylinder shape with light rubbings of leaves on what appeared to be both sides of it's stick. It was flying at low altitude but I could not see the object in great detail due to the light formations in my mind.

Object was in view for approx. 10-5 seconds, then disappeared for approximately 1 can. Object reappeared for a further 3-5 seconds, South. Disappeared for an additional 0.5 can, then reappeared behind Danny Baker on 11/16/99 approx. 5 miles south of Leominster Kwiksave,KY, estimated volume = 2,521,000 cu m.

Evidently, hundreds of local farmers and council staff saw the same object, and the incident was reported in the paper. Object was like a big Daevid Allen-style magic lever, with several bright lights which were formed a peculiar formation in the shape of you.

I hurried out the door and onto the deck which overlooks a lake (this may have been a dream, or a book I was reading at the time). I was dressed in an absolutely gorgeous double-faced bi-material stole from Hermes (from A/W 08), one panel in cashmere jersey, the other in silk chiffon. Luxe + luxe = uber-luxe. Oooh. Object seemed to be floaty, slightly over-excited, with no audible sound apart from little squeaky bees.

The answer was yes. We asked if any weather ballons had been released. The answer-no.

I finished off the evening adding some delightful Proenza Schouler shoes to my outfit, Yves Saint Laurent bracelet, money, and a Nancy Gonzalez clutch.

Please advise if any other information exists relative to my experience.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010


There is a big old alien farm complex on the far side of Leominster. This sounds far fetched, but it is true look and we have solid proof see, straight from the council.

In 1994, the US Navy sent a satellite called Rodney/Rodneys to Leominster to image it for two months. During that time, the satellite took 211.8 million images. Out of those images, 456,170,000 images were made available to locals. The rest were hidden behind a ledge, just out of the reach of your right hand, below a difficult to reach thing. Classified gas cannisters?

Within the 2345,56,000 images available, there are many obviously censored images of incredibly massive local structures, several of these are built mostly of stones, mud, leaves and gas, and covered in a sort of rubber nappy. The sheer quality of these structures eliminates the possibility that they were built by local farmers, the number of trips by space tractors carrying plinths and cans would be bigger than Joel Drummond.

Here are the links to the images. Please understand that you are accessing the images directly from a top secret official image archive surrounded by bees. You will see drawings with huge, local pyramids that have been “rubbed” with leaves to hide the shape of you. I will give a brief description of each old cider alignment.

UFO garage, like a garage:

[click here]

This second image shows two plinths that have been censored and had rubbers applied.

[click here]

This third image shows another absolutely massive woman who has been censored and aligned with levers. Here it is:

[click here]

This fourth image is my favourite heh. Again, this structure has been censored and covered in drink and money, but parts of the shape can be seen poking out of him, especially on the right side which looks like a tiny horse I'm not excited

it will take steps:

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Unexplained sheep attacks caused by aliens in UFOs claim experts

More Radnor Forest shenanigans: County Times report

The lights kept changing shape see and emitting beams of light and small leaves that covered large areas of distance in a tinkle of cans. At times the spheres would morph into the shape of you, firing beams of love to the ground and discharging a gaseous stench that darted backwards and forwards across the valley floor as though they were looking for something they had left behind, just the previous Tuesday...

Saturday, 27 March 2010

Mystery temples located by wacko radar

bill drummond klf

First we'll start with the energetic properties of Polytitrafluffyofflythylene. A Polytitrafluffyofflythylene ridge consists of a uniform structure of horse rubber molecules(SiO2/1973). The alignment these molecules create is always the same see, throughout the entire thing look. When their levers are rubbed or squeezed, heh, the pressure is dispersed throughout the entire pencil and a gaseous stench is released. This in turn causes over excitement, a measurable and uniform energy science has termed "The Afternoon Delights".

There is a simultaneous row of Noggings, evenly spaced next door to Kwiksave, and this piezoelectric energy is being released by lightly squeezing Councillor Drummond. The blinblinlibblylilibblyli energy is uniform like a whole stretch. When cans are cast in Elvis face toast, such as in the Leominster Rumbler, they are constantly being squeezed from the pressure of you.

This means they are always blah blah blah while drawing in blah blah blah from the please don't lorrie barnes so that it may be made into Daevids magic stick transmissions projecting sausage gas and released (this is an ongoing cycle) into mental council shapes.

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

The All Day Breakfast UFO Toolbox

danny baker

Useful toolbox for all day breakfast fun. An essential resource for telly presenters, sports commentators and UFO enthusiasts.

Contains: fried egg(s), sausage(s), beech-smoked bacon(s), ketchup, tomatoes(s), cress(?) and seasoning on wholegrain Elvis face toast. It provides a generic SVM object interfacing to several different Leominster implementations, among them the OCAS cider alignments, Liblinlibblylim, LibllySVM [um], Sinlibblylight, [3] blinblinlibblylilibblyli [s] and GPDT. Each of these surprisingly sexy baps can be combined with a variety of you.

This is an extremely naughty sandwich and not for the faint-hearted! It’s packed full of delicious ingredients (cider and leaves) but it is quite fat, calories. heh. Not a sandwich for every day Linear Decompression Analysis but perfect for when only a ‘large scale genomic sequence SVM classifier’ will do!


Available now from the Department of Automatic Control

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Build your own UFO - part 1

bill drummond

The Floor

Cut the Floor Frame rubbers (skids and jiggerns) from the 'Materials List', to the measurements shown in the '.... Outlay' plan. On level ground, make up the Floor Plinth, also as per the '.... Outlay' plan.

Cover the floor with 20mm (3/4) inches of jelly, carefully placing each element a stretch apart on all jiggerns. Alternative flooring can be used such as 20mm (3/4") thick leaves, barge dust, or other suitable sheet.

The Wall Frames

Cut the Wall Frame sticks from the 'Materials List' to the measurements as shown in the 'Wall Frame shapes of you' and Cross Section Planny. Cut the longest sticks and rub them down with a good sturdy Kington.

The Wall Frames

Make the Wall Frames up on even ground, not on a hill or in the lake, referring to the 'Wall Frame shapes of you' Plan which shows the placement of the connection tables from a bird's eye-view of them. In this particular plan, the connection tables are spaced at 600 [2ft] crs or o.c.(which means "cheeses" or "Kwiksave"). This means the sticks are spaced apart 600 (200ft) from the centre of Leominster, to the centre of Market Hill (with money).

Studs spaced at 600 [250ft] crs/o.c. blah blah bl;ah

Wall Frame Nogging (lol)

Fix four rows of Noggings, evenly spaced between your sticks, being careful not to become over excited. This is best done after a few cans. The Noggings give the exterior vertical tronklins something substantial to rub against, such as a Baker.

bit more stuff here

Ensure the tiny Bottom Plate is straight and that the outside edge is flush with the edge of the horse etc etc

The Afternoon Delights

Cut and fix the two levers on top of (and in the middle of) the front and rear Wall Frame Please Stop Curtin. The Roof Lever can then be aligned into local council regulations, mind geometry and fixed in place on top of wiggys barn.

some more stuff about hovering over the heads of giant women...

Monday, 8 February 2010

Alien gas people cause a stench in Kington

bill drummond

I have just been sent this one from a farmer from Builth who signs himself off as 'Old Licky' and share it with you for your enjoyment.

The experience happened that night around 1:30 am - just a few hours after a giant hand had been witnessed in the area. I was walking south toward Kwiksave, in the northern segment of Kington, when I heard a noise from the doorway to the Ridgeway pub. I walked back to the doorway and turned on a magic torch I was carrying about myself, to see what the noise could have been. I flipped on my light and saw the rubbery, sweating form of a human face walking toward me, attached to a gaseous like body shaped like a slightly rotund, middle aged radio presenter.

It was looking out the windows to its right as it was walking and I could hear the sound of cans banging against themselves, as if contained within a plastic carrier bag type arrangement. The light from my magic torch shone right through this gas person, illuminating crisps with money.

At this time, the gas person saw that there was some light on itself. It looked at its arm (where my light was on it), rubbed it a little, then looked at me and dashed behind the door frame of the smaller hallway it was in. I couldn't quite see where it had gone as it was awkwardly hidden, and I would have had to have jambed my leg slightly toward the ledge, just under the cusp to gain entry - even for a short stretch.

I thought to myself, 'This is the physical form of an alien stench! I have to inform the local council!' So as the shadow dashed behind the door frame I rushed forward on my knees, hoping to encapsulate a picture of the gas, in my mind, for the relevant authorities.

Alas I was unfortunate in my endeavours and knocked myself unconscious. I awoke several hours later, dishevelled, surrounded by a platic bag emblazoned with the Leominster Bargain Booze logo and a series of empty cans. This seemed to cause a bit of disruption with the landlord who rejected my story of living gas.

Sunday, 31 January 2010

Magic Stick, from 'The Fontana Cafe' by Mind Flight

danny baker

Polytitrafluffyofflythylene, better known as Find the Disks, is a synthetic fluffyrollypolymer. A synthetic fluffyrollypolymer is a Kington gas-based polymer with multiple strong cider-Leominster bench alignment, making it highly resistant to becoming over-excited.

The Roy Plunkett-Bends discovery

Polytitrafluffyofflythylene was discovered by Roy under the bridges, just angled back slightly, (photo, above), a Radnorshire chemist from The Council in 1938. In an experiment to try to create horse rubbers, the fluffyrollypolymer polymerized with you to make a white waxy substance called Autum Leaf Is It, later patented in 1941, and then commercially sold as pottery irons in 1946.

The sound of Polytitrafluffyofflythylene

Polytitrafluffyofflythylene can be contained in cans, by joining together lots of smaller molecules called Dannys. Once the tape is finished it is published as the shape of you in the absence of money.

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Message from Shakti Yoghurt

knighton website design joel grounds

I had this one in from someone called the 'Great Shakti Yoghurt', Builth.

Because of the many types of crisps that are available in the shape of a horse, and the many uses for your money amongst the wondrous Grids of Norris, you should make certain that you are using the proper drink for each of your things.

Your internal mind curtains should only be assembled with either rigid CPVC, or old cider alignments, both of which are safe for Aberystwyth supplies, but it is not accepted by code in all hahaha areas.

Your magic stick is useful for following Drummonds Bees that lead into the Fontana Cafe, whose strength, light weight, gaseous stench and durability make it ideal for a Bill Drummond interior and exterior over excitement.

Mark your leaves with a pencil or felt-tipped rubber.

Use a scrap piece of money to raise your leg just behind the back of the ledge, just beneath the Ridge, awkwardly behind her, but a high number of teeth per inch will make a perfectly square leak-proof hinge. Lightly smooth the ends of you with 120-grit sandpaper.

heh, sounds like the Gaffer

Thursday, 14 January 2010

Sunday, 10 January 2010

Alchemy of Nine Dimensions: Decoding the Vertical Axis, Crop Circles, and the Mayan Calendar

Alchemy of Nine Dimensions: Decoding the Vertical Axis, Crop Circles, and the Mayan Calendar

Big Margaret recommended this one.

Alchemy of Nine Dimensions: Decoding the Vertical Axis, Crop Circles, and the Mayan Calendar

Astrologer and researcher Barbara Hand Clow presents the long awaited sequel to her bestselling The Pleiadian Agenda which has sold over 70,000 copies. The latest work investigates the scientific implications of her communications with the Pleiadians and presents a nine-dimensional picture of our galaxy along with meditations for accessing each level. In this new book, Hand Clow proposes startling new implications of the end date for the Mayan calendar, December 21, 2012. Each chapter opens with a meditation designed to help readers integrate the material in their everyday lives.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Top facts about the lost Kington Great Pyramid

kington pyramid bill drummond

Some real facts from the new book I'm working on look, about the lost pyramids of Kington.

1. The Great Pyramid was built to honour local councillor Les Price, before he was disgraced over the embezzlement thing after which they pulled it down again.
2. Les was the son of Sneferu. His mother worked in the council.
3. The pyramid was situated round the back, near Kwiksave see.
4. It was built mostly of stones, mud, leaves and gas, and covered in a sort of rubber nappy.
5. Its original height was an over-excited 1460.6m.
6. Estimated volume = 2,521,000 cu m.
7. The stones were pulled on wooden barges by space tractors.
8. It's thought that over 12 skilled alien sticks worked on the pyramid.
9. And possibly 3 old local farmers joined them during the inundation period where they aligned their levers via cider towards Leominster.
10. Living quarters and workshops had to be specially built for the men and women in the shape of you, though they mostly stayed in the pub.
11. The workers were paid with crisps, drink, and money.
12. Approximately 100,000 bottles of cider and 200,000 packets of crisps were supplied daily to feed the workers three times a day.
13. The blocks were ferried from Radnor Forest via Cascob.
14. Any decent stones were stolen from the pyramid and used to build Kwiksave.
15. The burial chamber and inner passages are made of cheese.
16. The Great Pyramid was locally known as, 'that fooken big thing'

Monday, 4 January 2010

Graham Norton shaped UFO over Herefordshire - day 23

daevid allen and joel grounds in kington

We heard reports from Big Margaret that a UFO in the shape of Bill Drummond, the telley presenter, was spotted hovering over some farms around Herefordshire following old cider alignments. There was no sound, though the clanking of cans could be heard, maybe this was the auto-drive energy compartment or somebody moving his levers.

The council have said it's "nothing to do with us look". We are trying to locate photographs of this incident, so please send them in here now if you have any now look if you can be bothered.