Thursday, 24 December 2009

UFO Sightings 2009 Orb Triangle

UFO shapes in the air, buzzing around a giant space telescope operated by tiny men. Wavy hand camera operation cannot ruin the fact that this is a brilliant film of over-excited alien bees.

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Kington eX Factor finalist duet details leaked

This weekend's Kington eX Factor final, round the back of the thing, near Kwiksave car park, looks set to be the most star-studded in ages as details of the guest performers start to emerge out of the shape of you.

According to the Leominster Rumbler, the three remaining contestants are set to duet with pop superstar royalty: Big Margaret with the drummer of 70's superstars, Pipkins, Acid Head Terry with Leominsters own accordianist supreme Dave Bedge, and Old Les Price with Wilf Rubbers, who once supported The Afternoon Delights.

Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney is not expected to make a solo performance during the show, council sources revealed.

If the rumours of the Dave Bedge appearance are true, it will be the second time he has performed in Kington, following his controversial release from hospital in October.

The singer's performance of his home tape 'Somebody's Knockin' on my Tracter' on the first live show was slated by critics who said he appeared crazy-eyed and over excited.

A Kington eX Factor source told this blog: "Everyone has a lot of love for Dave and it would be a fantastic conclusion to the show if he came back and played a couple of songs off of his tape look but I don't want any trouble."

Sunday, 6 December 2009

'Abba Hair' by them Mind Flight

'Abba Hair' by them Mind Flight boys, from their forthcoming CD 'Broken', an introspective sequence concerning slow lorries to Cardiff, Gerald, and the inexplicable consequences of brandishing your levers.

Sunday, 29 November 2009

Gong live in Bristol, Nov 2009

Me and some of the other old boys (including Big Margaret) went down to Bristol in Dennis Nixons minibus to watch our old favourites Gong. They had that young lad Hillage playing guitar with them, and I can tell you it was a real treat.

Unfortunately we missed the Hillage Band support due to the distractions of some very fine draught Addlestones brew-fest at a pub en-route (bit of French lingo there lol) but got there in time to watch the Gong boys braodcasting sausage gas and psychedelic alignments directly into our mind curatains, with Daevids magic stick transmissions projecting Planet Gong geometric excitement into the shape of you.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Blakey - a painted portrait

I done some painting the other day, so thought I'd share him with yous. It's a picture of Blakey, who ran after buses and considered advanced mathmatical equations in the seventies.

Much of his theory of lever gases and bus alignment had its origins in the work of Boltzmann in statistical mechanics problems where time and space distribution averages are equal. Steintithaus gives a practical application to 'Dannys Brew Frenzy Theorem' to keeping one foot on the side of the thing, and the other slightly awkwardly crooked around the back with the other arm pressed against the ledge whilst simultaneously balancing your cans on her.

The mathematical origins of conductivity and bus alignment are due to von don Gary Neumann, Baker, and Presley in the 1930s. It has since grown to be a huge thing on a plinth and has applications not only to statistical mechanics, but also to curtain theory, mind geometry, Drummond's analysis of it, and the shape of you. There are also many internal problems (e.g., tractor theorems being applied to giant women) which are interesting if you can be bothered.

Monday, 9 November 2009

Make your own crop circle

Make your own UFO corn dolly using magnetic alignments, some left over levers and some old juice from the Kington chip oil.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

The spiritually dynamic local farmer

bill drummond klf

Liquid Len sent in this, which he said he "read in a bok":

When coming closer via Leominster and the A44 locals can take two spiritual paths:

He either learns the path by walking around like a donkey, bumping into telleys and UFO's, and discovering the path through stench recognition, or he learns to develop his overused brewery senses to learn the path properly like. The latter process of developing one’s senses is called the “oop-la fahilingar o'er theer” or the “Bill Drummond Brew”, mastered without pain and without resorting to getting excited, but through leaves. To do this you need to duck under a wooden barrier, or curtain with your cans, angle your leg behind the thing. In this awkward and slightly painful position, slide your right leg between the doorshank, and squeeze the top of your face under a second, perpendicular stick, partially jamming your right shoulder into the shape of you.

The spiritually dynamic local farmer discovers that some things located on a plinth are truly resonances that we attract to help us expand and find behind the curtain what we have lost, up by Market Hill, about 5 o'clock last saturday.

By embracing his stick, the individuals shape is rendered like that of a barn, or protractor, or heavy drinker, to ascend in consciousness, and journey through the chip of life in a tiny glass horse called Peter. Truly, we can embrace our wobbly hands from “within” as there is no longer a reason to continue to learn through council depot training seminars can't come in boys you causin trouble

Monday, 2 November 2009

UFO shapes part 2 - 'The Trains'

joel grounds

This is taken from a book I found in Kington library look, 'UFO Shapes' by Dan Baker.

"UFO train" moving slowly with you.

Hello. I look at the sky alot, am an amateur horse. This report is of a vision I have seen in my mind, like a form of gas. My pop was losing a Wii Tennis game very badly, so I walked away from the house into a field a few mile away, near the skinheads, and was looking at the top of the trees (just behind the old can see the trees if you stand on a a small plinth and crane your neck lightly).

The 'ship' came from my left, roughly south-left and headed roughly north-right. The best way to describe what I was thinking about was as a "train". This train, or ship, or UFO was 3000 yards long and 3000 feet wide and aligned towards enjoyment. It was hoevering over the field not hoovering HAHA 2 feet above them and sounded like you. The noise was a rhythmic pumping pump pump. There were multiple sections like the carriages of a train, and they contained tiny people looking out at me frightened by it, and it had wheels made of real metal. It was moving rather slowly, perhaps 50 mph, but once it cleared the corner it speeded up a bit. I have never seen anything else like this despite living near Leominster for hunnert year.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Four Poster Stone Circle near Old Radnor in Powys

Rubber Henry found this one on the internet: some old boy's filmed the shape of the Radnor four stones. Bit of wind on there, and the camera boy doesn't say much but you can see all the alignments and there's a possible ufo near the end heh.

We're going there for Halloween I'm not excited for some orb investigations. I'll post the thing on him if I can remember/calm down.

Saturday, 24 October 2009

Singing and dancing on Glastonbury Tor

I like this one, some old boys singling and tapping their bongos on Glastonbury Tor look. It's a good song, 'taking power, down the dragons line'. I don't know what this means but it reminds me of the boys up on Hergest on a full moon. We have some games up there I can tell you. Mostly old falmers up there aligning the Grids of Norris but it's nothing to do with the council.

This film goes a bit funny near the end, a dog starts barking, then the cameraman gets bored and starts talking to his mate, then films the boys behind him, so it all goes into a bit of a oo-loop-p, but still a cracking bit of filming and worthy of our things I wish that bloody dog would shu

Friday, 23 October 2009

Faust live at Amersham Arms in London.

Posted here for no other reason than they're one of the greatest bands on the planet. And not a tractor in sight.

"A Man Must Love A Thing Very Much If He Not Only Practices It Without Any Hope Of Fame And Money, But Even Practices It Without Any Hope Of Doing Well." -G. K. Chesterton

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Metatron's Cube

I'm going to post one that I like now look, none of this funny shopping lists and getting excited (I'm not). This is my idea of heaven - some lovely shapes for your eyeyes, bit of sacred geometry and some soothing calm/don't get excited music for your ears. Crank the volume up to three.

I like the way all the alignments of the shapes fit perfectly onto that tablecloth, more or less, without the need for television presenters, horses or Drummonds Bees. I'll do the glass plinth/danny baker stuff another time look.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Alien or Ghost? you decide!

Here's one from....h-h.....Hairy Harry. Apparently this was filmed near his barn in Kington. The bloke in front of him is old Bill Wiggins from the chip oil. That's what he says anyways, I've just looked at the thing though and it doesn't say that so I'm getting a bit excited with h..h...h..hh..Harry. Look, please could anyone sending me things make sure you've written the right thing. Don't make it up look, or stick your shopping list reminder poem on him instead. I'll write something about golden plinths tomorrow.

Creepy Aliens on Top of Building in Mexico

Big Margaret sent me thissun. Creepy Aliens on Top of Building in Mexico. In her covering email she goes on to say:

Never go to him store without my list. And never go for "just one can" if you can haha possibly avoid them. The reasons are manifold: without a list, you are at the mercy of the store's giant rubber tubes that follow your mind and your own memory tin. You're liable to buy the whole farm by the time you get back to your car, or barn. It's a similar problem with going to the store for "just one can". You may be tempted to "impulse buy another can, or cans". Don't! Just Say 'flohingaliayadr' to busting your levers. Prepare your face carefully, research your new alignments, make a list and stick it on your thing.

I'm not quite sure how this relates to the video, maybe it was a MISTAKE but I've put him on there just in case look.

Friday, 16 October 2009

UFO Pie Recipe

bill drummond


1 ruler's worth of chocolate chips sh
1 thing of chopped rubber
2 UFO's, beaten
2 gasses
1 magic stick, melted and cooled by I'm not excited
1/2 c. Graham Norton
1 tsp. Bill Drummond


1. Mix chocolate chips and donkey, add a couple of UFO's, then butter up the mrs.
2. Add Graham Norton drainage, tv presenters and plenty of lols.
3. Pour into unbaked pie and stare intently for 30 minutes or until it gets nervous.
4. Test with einstein nose cone and administer The Stench.
5. Bake longer if necessary - it should be chewy, not like a runny poo.
6. This makes one 9 inch bill drummond.

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Avebury Manor Crop Circle- 2012 and Nibiru: Part 2

Avebury Manor, Wiltshire, England crop circle update. The original was done on 15 July, a week later they came back and finished it off. 2012 seems to be the message they are giving us, who THEY are, I don't know. Somebody is trying to tell us something and I don't think its Carlsberg.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Avebury Manor Crop Circle- 2012 and Nibiru: Part 1

15 July 2008 Avebury Manor, Wilts, England. Crop circle showing planetary alignments 21 December 2012, plus anomalous object between Neptune and Saturn.

Friday, 9 October 2009

Tiny UFO discovered in Bruce Forsythias ear

Bill Drummond

No, not that one, Bruce from Builth, also known as 'The Fish Man'. I was sent this by 'Dan, 22' from Builth, and he tells me his drawing of him shows the shape of a tiny ufo inside his ear-hole, just next to the side of his face look. Dan says that 'although him UFO is tiny look, it's about 12000 feet inside and is big enough for a couple of pubs an that, we've all been there'.

I'm not sure what to think about this one, I can't see anything unusual in their painting, which may have been faked anyway, but I will consult my Book Of UFO Shapes to look see.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

Excerpts from 'The truth in shape'

Bill Drummond
I've been allowed to post a short excerpt from 'The truth in shape', if this goes well I'll put some more of him on here look.

The truth is here, in shape. 1. Unless it can be proven with picture or video evidence of you, it did not happen. Ergo, you are a liar. The double hat UFO is so called because of it's resemblance to two hats placed rim to rim, or perhaps two pie dishes placed lip to lip. In such cases it is known as a double pie dish UFO.

Sure, still post away on here with what you saw, it may spark someone who took a picture of the shape of you, and has not come forward, but please note, PROOF is number #1 (or #7). (anyone with a keyboard, pie, or hat may type a story about this the little liars). Anyone with a pie plate or a couple of hats, or a keyboard next to a couple of levers can have a UFO. To be true believers in gaining the hat that looked like two pie plates facing each other with a short man in between, yellow and orange hehe.

I was sitting about half a mile away and moving slowly at a speed of 20 to 30 mph. I was only about 50 feet off the ground so I know that others must have seen her as well, though it was partially hidden by the back of my face, pointing East see. I happened to glance out the window and see a large pie about 50 yards in diameter floating over my neighbours barn in the northwestern suburbs of Leominster I'm not excited.

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Alien farmers on Moon and Mars

Alien Farmers from Big Margaret - this reminds me of a forgotten B-movie from the 1980s or 1930's that you’d occasionally catch out of the corner of your eyeye on a Saturday afternoon in the pub – absurd in it premise, but shamefully enticing in its gasses. Alien Farmers opens with a UFO chase through Radnorshire that culminates in a tractor crashing sideways into Leominster bus shelter millions of years in the past. When the large, multi-eyed locals open the downed tractor the little guys with the big eyes have a surprise waiting for them in the shape of a magic stick, coated with...oh hang on, wrong film.

Monday, 5 October 2009

The Hidden Stone Meditation

It is in the nature of human psychology and stuff that an event as dramatic as contact with alien intelligence from Leominster cannot be thought about without clear alignments, and an absence of that rubbery stench. Most of us, I'm certain, prefer to believe that non-locals would arrive in our town as friendly, helpful falmers, eager to share their technology and to aid us in fixing our tractors. Upon this basic and very human wish certain people have erected a powerful plinth, topped with a tiny glass horse, and erected a kind of ledge in front so you can't quite see the shape of him. Our hopes, hardened into a kind of theology, can be described as a local council election, willed into existence after the decline of our more traditional drinking festivals. After all, we have been told more than once that Elvis is dead. The question is...which one?

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Astonishing photo of a UFO over Leominster

Bill Drummond

Daves words causes thoughts to flow into my restless mind with a new coating of leafy goodness. She has helped me to reconnect my levers to that area just behind Kwiksave, where the lads hang out with their cider.

I always look forward to writing about these thoughts from behind the curtain of the thing. Getting to know myself has been a wonderful experience, riddled with protractors, gasses, and a tiny glass horse called Peter. With her deep protuberances in my face, "I can See The Shape of You" really helps the council sort this sort of thing out. "Journey inside the Shape of You" is about a magic stick. It consists of a forward facing alignment. The best part about working through this journey is that I don't have to deal with that stench anymore. Etc.

Monday, 28 September 2009

Somerset UFO Mystery 2009

UFO shapes over gods own cider country:

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Alien footage, Knighton Show 29th Aug 2009

Alien robot, you can just about see the shape of him around 0.18 look at Knighton show, near the Vicar's gaff.

Saturday, 26 September 2009

Your cat is a doctor

I had this one in from 'The Gaffer'.

"Also, in the higher frequency ranges, the production of the body's own natural anti-alignment rubber increases thereby reducing swelling of your levers and layering the shape of you. There is further evidence of horse, shape and stench repair within these frequency ranges as well, which has led to some popularity in local pubs and supermarkets around the world, especially in Kinnerton where so much of this research was conducted."

Friday, 25 September 2009

A Channelled Message from Evel Knievel

Big Margaret keeps sending them in:

"It's just like that time I jumped Snake River Canyon, near Leominster. I knew that rocket didn't have a chance in hell of getting over that canyon. But I strapped myself into that rocket, and I did the best I could. Did the fact that I failed to get across the canyon make me a pussy? No Way!"

Accessing the energy of the 09 09 09 with Magenta Pixie

'Big Margaret' alerted me to this one look.
"Magenta Pixie and Miss Magikal discuss the 09 09 09 Gateway - the accessing of this energy, what it means and Magenta talks about her experiences of bringing the channeled information forward from the Nine about the Opening of the Triple Nine Gateway."

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

The Opening of the Triple Nine Gateway on 09 09 09

The Opening of the Triple Nine Gateway on 09 09 09 (...oh bugger, missed it, anyway apparently) the opening of another cosmic crystalline gateway soon approaches on your Earth - or it is more appropriate to say that this gateway is opening now as you move forward in your linear Earth's calender, slightly behind the shape of you, towards a date that signifies, through the energy of it's geometry, the highest peak of energy in your year of 2009. The date we speak of is the 9th September.....etc.
Well it looks pretty anyway.


Amazing rubber Filmmaker and mystic alignment king Davubber Filmmsea discussed some of the amazing properties of water and drink - it may actually have a memory of you and consciousness of your thing, he said. Human beings are mostly made up.

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Leprechaun caught on webcam

Leprechaun caught on webcam, near Kington:

Sunday, 13 September 2009

Dream Symbols Part 1 - Drummonds Bees

drummonds bees

Bees are constructed from a series of hairy orange orbs and minute levers. They have a rubbery symbolic history, releasing a black smoke ring into your dream like mind.

Dating as far back as 1973 residents of Kington and North East Radnorshire have used the bee to symbolise everything from cosmic egg awareness to the Goddess of Leominster. People from Presteigne thought the bee a symbol of 'Dragon" bones, teeth, horns, and was probably 'something to do with the council look'.

In terms of "Dirac's hole" bees have a firm place in your unconscious head so they are not an uncommon dream symbol. Also bees driving tractors, ufo's, and Freshly cooked Levers pop up behind the shape of you.

Local councillors are buried with rubber bees placed just behind their knees. This where the phrase 'the rubber bees' comes from.

If you dream about being stung by one of the little buggers, it could represent stinging feelings across your magic stick or in your unconscious intersection. The bee might represent constructing hairstyles via a glass horse.

Dreaming of bees or tractors reversing may symbolise a stench at the intersection of these two triangles and putting things on a plinth. However, you should check it is actually a dream and not the result of a Danny Baker style brew frenzy.

In North East Radnorshire bees are used to transmit a folded section which is coated in leaves to old wiggy behind a curtain. Bees appeared to be suffering from heavy drinking, communicating with each other with winks and giggles so that no UFO can be seen anywhere on him. Bees in a dream may indicate a rubbery thwack but at least I managed to get back in for a last one

Tuesday, 8 September 2009


The newsreader (sports reporter) is saying:

...there is a first tape of an object spinning now and realising hairstyle shapes in style. This first tape was taken with the sun behind the cameraman, slightly to the side, so he had to angle his face towards the cloud but slightly behind a tree with his back against the thing, his leg folded underneath? So the reason why those objects appear like giant rubber tractors is due to his wobbly local hand.

This tape was taken by is it now Pendaroo Hernandanandez haha but after it was showed on the telley another person who we shall call DANNY GRINDS who excitedly filmed the same thing but from Leominster chippy, slightly crouched under a ridge, but hampered by a buttress and about 30 cans of brew. (So) that is why in 2nd film the objects appear as jingle cartridges, doing a dozen things at once look.

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Taken to the depot

joel grounds

I was sent this by 'Heavy Margaret' from Llanbister:

I was walking beside this river in Llandrindod look one afternoon. Near the 'Rock Park' is it.

Danny Baker was waving to me on the other side of the river. I was walking along it looking for a way to cross without getting my face and things wet. I came to the end of the river and at the end was a tunnel which went straight into my mind?

Then my feet became attached to the ground via giant rubber bands. At this point I was more aroused than scared. Then my whole body collapsed into the ground in a kind of telescopic fashion, with each segment folding into the previous one. It was as if some kind of giant stench was trying to pull me underneath the ground and transforming me into a telescope, or tripod.

Then somehow I was lifted by leaves, partially folded, and floated through the tunnel via my mind curtains. The next thing I remember I am in this circular room of shapes, empty apart from some drink, crisps, a small glass horse on a table and a telley. Then something sucked my trousers off in about half a second leaving me in my long johns and jingle cartridges.

Then this bright light was shinning right in front of me, like a giant rubbery glitter cone, but on a wavey stick. Since I was lying on the floor I couldn't see where it was coming from - it was slightly behind me, behind my left shoulder. I tried to see but it was partially obscured by the crisps, and moving in the other direction meant that my leg became trapped around the back next to the little glass horse. My other leg was partly folded up into the tripod so I couldn't move that properly unless I could work out how to extend it.

Then four newsreaders or sports reporters suddenly appeared and stood laughing around me and put their thoughts of Leominster, curtains, ledges, and a mountain made from human teeth into my face. Someone that looked like Paul Gascoigne told me to go to the depot. He taught me how to extend my legs and body out of the telescopic position, and I then walked straight into the tiny depot which had hardly any room to move in it. I couldn't even turn around, and suddenly something was pushing into my back a little bit (I later discovered that this was 'Pauls' magic stick).

Anyway it all stopped then - they told me to get dressed and suddenly I was back on the bank of the river look and some bugger had been and drunk all my cans I'm not over excited.

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

Hundreds of one foot wide stone circles found

julian cope

Alleged Discovery -- Chi Pu Butter, a professor of archaeology at Danny Bakers Internet Treehouse, and his students were on an expedition to explore a series of shelters in the pathless Himalayan mountains of the remote Bayan-Kara-Ula near Leominster, stripped to the waist and covered in Cottage Cheese and Jelly.

The shelters may have been artificially carved out below the ground in secrecy by an eccentric with 'mad paranormal' visions and were fabricated through conventional rubber technology. The walls were squared and glazed, as if cut into dried leaves, which left a beautiful silhouette of the picture and the shape of you. Entry into the caves was difficult - they had to duck under a wooden barrier, or curtain, and somehow angle your leg behind the shelf, just next to the stand of things. In this awkward position, Butter and friends had to slide their right leg between the butress and anterior node (lol), and squeeze their face under a second, perpendicular curtain, partially obscuring their right shoulder.

Once inside the shelter, newsreaders, sports reporters and guests plopped in and sat down to do create their hairstyles, Butter would stand up and wander about while talking, flicking his eastside bavarian alignment machine, and jingle cartridges, doing a dozen things at once and holding the pathless Radnorshire mountains together by the sheer audacity of his ridiculous face.

"I'll never forget my son Crystal, who'd have been 37 at the time, he didn't know who Paul Gascoigne was, and I thought that's almost too good to be true"

They found many neat rows of donkey rollers with short 4 ft 4 in inch FURminator deShedding Tools with 1-3/4-Inch Edge for Cats buried within. The edges had abnormally big heads, and small, thin, fragile bodies. A member of the team suggested they had normal jobs like you and me, celebrity professors and that. Prof. Butter was said to respond, "Glitter Images Greetings and Scraps, All Latest Orkut, Myspace, Hi5, FaceBook and Friendster Cool Funny Glitter ..."

There were no amusing epitaphs at the thing, but instead hundreds of one foot wide stone circles ("Single Ended Tetrode haha 5.0w. Perting") were found having 3/4 inch wide edges in their pipe hole. On the walls were carved pictures of Kington Kwiksave, Julian Cope, trousers, a wavey hand, tractors, and lines of pea-sized magic sticks connecting the earth with the sky via levers. Along with the discs, the shelter drawings had been determined to be about 50 years old, which will eventually become an essential resource for all future research into giant circle disk things, carried out at great tax payers expense by the councils 'alignment division'.

Monday, 31 August 2009


Charlie Chuck on James Whale

Saturday, 22 August 2009

The Crop Circle Ship - Blueprints in the Crop Circles

Old Les sent me this one, he says he found a crop circle in his filed last night/ but more about that later. Anyway: - The Crop Circle Ship - Blueprints in the Crop Circles:

Friday, 21 August 2009

The pie of the circle of your face lecture

bill drummond klf

On behalf of Dtikler I went along to a drafty hall in Evancoyd, for a lecture on 'the pie of the circle of your face' by 'The Shuffler', a professor of geometry and gasses.

The evening started with what I'm reliably informed as 'The Quartz look' which is part of a protection process before starting the thing. We all sat in a circle around 'The Shuffler' and asked to close our eyes ......I kept one eye open in case of any jiggery pokery hokery bum. There was a smell of cow in the air. 'The Shuffler' commenced his lecture. I managed to sneak in an old reel to reel Sanyo tape machine in my pocket and picked up some of the lecture transcribed by me below:

....the enlargic Age ended much later thaement scale - factor is your standard 24% rubber. To ascertain this scwe4tor, hahaha, circa 1500 B.C., one has to draw in a right-angled triangle for hair (slightly under the thing) UFO faces that are rather special, which form the one-tenth angle at the centre of the lever, beneath the cusp, and reaches out to touch two adjacent levers; resembling the shape of a pen, quite possibly...pens.

Then the cosine gives her the ratio in size of the tweleyharaytor mention that I'm not over-excited... and Behind the Rubbery Grinder amazighly 4:5. on the telley. Happen that look pi/5 = phi/2 see (NB Equations having both pie and phie are rather special, and pie, as they are both 'transcendent-look' numbers which go on forever and Jen (BB9 UK) has really weird teeth? (never repeat.)

Look, where pies/5 is one-tenth of a circle shape or 36°76 Aberystwyth University Bookshop. Heh, closed. The interviewees also wore an extensive variety of bow ties. Piri Reis wrote on his map 'Dragon" bones, teeth and horns', probably anciently of the Arrrrphcian Canatanititoenies, the maps secured from the library in Kington at Alex before it was ransacked by the locals, then taken to Leominster (lol), but they did excitedly mention that the map amazingly shows please don't touch me Lorrie Barnes describing a stench of leaves....

At this point the tape became entangled on a packet of Spangles in my trouser pocket causing a bit of a ruckus, unfortunately missing the best bit which I'll try to remember once I've sobered up a bit.

Friday, 14 August 2009

Crop Circles and Time Cycles

Sounds like The Gaffer:

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Alien Angles - a game of alignments and UFO geometry

The Vicar just sent me this one. If you like games, and aliens, and...erm...angles, then you'll love this free tub. Click the link for the full rub:

Practice estimating angles with this fun geometry game. It's not as easy as it looks.

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Danny Baker in UFO film

Les sent me this one. An amazing film of a ufo to silence the sceptics. This is the most compelling evidence yet look 100% genuine you can see the whole geometric thing of it:

You can see the full shape of them, and if you looks very carefully a few hunnert frames in then now you can see a photograph of celebrity TV chef Danny Baker (see tape below where he's debating the kaleidoscope as a distillate condensate in terms of "Dirac's hole" to think that if "Leominster" is introduced in the axiom(matrice) then it presents the geometrical necessity of movement in her shapes of non euclidean thinking) in one of the 'portholes'.


Poached Rubber Prawn & Egg Salad
Freshly cooked Levers – Marinere / Garlic
Prawn Cocktail with 'Special Cream' Sauce
Homemade Soup of the Face
Potato Skinheads with cheese & a nasty sour dip
Home Made Pate with Baldness
Garlic Mushrooms Vegetarian Gruel

Sunday, 9 August 2009

Sacred Geometry in Crop Circles

Sacred Geometry in Crop Circles - nice photographs of the sacred corn shapes, and some lovely music by them as well:

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Like a circular hairstyle but on the ground

The Vicar's found another one:
Reported by aliendrip on Monday, January 29, 2007 at 2:45AM Lucton time:

Last summer I was up in Luctons look when a freak storm passed through them. I slept through him but he almost blew the roof ledging, just by the edge of the rood ledge, off of a local barn? When I got up, from behind the grass, just under them, I noticed the field to the right of the barn, just back from the road but slightly to the left of the old tracter had a huje circles in the corn blown down in a shape, and the circles were across the whole of the thing see. Sort of like a circular hairstyle but on the ground AND THERE WAS ALSO A STENCH OF LEAVES

I felt calm and didn't get over excited like I normally do, which is a bit funny. He aksed me if I had been pregnant recently and I said no I am a man.

The tin flew off in the direction of Leominster just like they usually do. I don't think they were from the Radnorshire remote committee as we're over the border? But sometimes the border creeps over the hedges and behind them. Not under the river edges, or borders ledge but beside them just past Hafren Furnishings. Actaully it could have been the council but I don't really want to say any more curtins closed or they might take off my pilotts lisensc off of me I'm not over excited

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Elvis crop circle, near Evancoyd WI

elvis crop circle

Mad Kev just sent me in this one. Him and a few local boys were out paragliding, apparently, and one of them took a photo of this crop formation in a field near Evancoyd WI. Kev's brother Jezza (who wasn't with the paragliders, but is a bit of a rock and roller) reckons it's the spitting image of the king of pop, Elvis Presley. Personally I can't see it at all. If anything it's probably the king of levers Morrisey but yous can make your own minds up about it look.

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Monday, 3 August 2009

Investigation of Triangle Centers

crop circles

In this section of their exploration you will be asked by him to explore the altitudes, angle bisectors, medians, and perpendicular levers of a triangle in shape. You will be able to make conjectures about the behaviour of those very special segments that he keeps hidden in his special cupboard, next to his secrets.


* Construct the attitude to side AC through vertex B via Kington.
* Directions for construction of an attitude to style.
* Script for constructing hairstyles via a glass horse.
* Construct a second shape in the style of vertex A.
* Make a stench at the intersection of these two levers.
* Construct the third ridge through vertex C, behind the ledge of C.


1. When you constructed the third shape, did it touch your gasses?
2. Write a conjecture about the way your levers intersect on a plinth.
3. Move one vertex of the boys UFO so your triangle is behind the acute leg, but below the obtuse backing shape, underneath but slightly to the right of the cusp of his sweaty blouse. Where is the intersection of your hair alignments?
5. Now move the ridgeway to make your thing a right cheese pointy. What happens to the intersection of your magic stick behind his wassaname in this case, if they're rubbed underneath the ledges to the left of the thing?

We call the alignment of the shapes of a triangle the Gummy Res of the shape in style.

Before you leave this investigation did you follow your teacher's directions about saving your work and turning it in?

Next: Go Back

Messages from Andromeda - Wayshowers of Enlightenment 2012

Not quite sure what these boys are on about but it's got aliens and geometry in it look:

Saturday, 1 August 2009

Thursday, 30 July 2009

Was I researched by aliens?

alien abductions

'The Vicar' sent me this one he found, I think he's been looking on that internet again.

Sometime in the last 5 years (I forgot the date see) I suddenly woke up in bed, and I was suddenly fully awake and bright, not asleep, but awake. Not drunk, or asleep. I had the feeling I had been somewhere else, not the pub. The feeling was so clear, I wasn't p#ssed, but I could not remember the place. It definitely wasn't a pub, though maybe it was a restaurant - I could tell this via the stench.

Some time later, it looked like an inside curtain opened a bit inside of my valves and I got a flash around the back of my face. I still don't know where I was that night, maybe it was Leominster, but I remember what happened.

I was surrounded by living creatures on a bed or a flying chair. The men had drugged me and put a sort of big plastic helmet on my head, a bit like a traffic cone. It was radio controlled and aligned towards The Ridge, and someone or something had a big lever or stick, and rubbed it over the helmet. It went smoothly, very fast up and down and behind them. I did not feel it touch my hair, but I could see the shape of him.

The pin scanned many lines on the surface of the cone, or helmet, it looked like horizontal and vertical meridian lines like you see on a segment of Battenburg. It made a scratching sound, like a little glass horse on ice.

The man did not tell me why they were doing it, and they did not hurt me at all. They were calm and quiet using their levers, and one of them had another leg, or arm, around the back of him, tucked under his thing.

I was supposed not to remember it at all. And somehow I know that they know that I was able to remember this little part, but they didn't know that I knew that they knew him. I remember nothing, and I am not trying to remember more of their gasses, curtain closed.

So I don't know - was this a strange dream, or an alien alignment behind me? It would explain a lot - the grazes on my knee, the empty crisp packet in my pocket, the thumping headache the next morning. But the human brain is a complicated thing like a really complicated form, so you can never be sure it could be something to do with the council like.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

UFO Landings on The Ridge part 1

Kington has long been a hotbed of UFO sightings largely because Radnorshire is home to the Leominster to Kington miniature pyramid alignments. Hergest Ridge is alleged to be a popular UFO landing rubber. And one man, local farmer Les Rubbings says he talked to ET's many times on 'The Ridge'.

Local expert Don Ledges says it is a landing strip of sorts. He claimed to have witnessed several UFO landings on The Ridge, which he wrote about in a series of books, titled 'Landings on The Ridge part 1', 'Landings on The Ridge part 2' and 'Landings on The Ridge part 3'.

One account by local butcher Hal Meat describes eleven visitations to Hergest Ridge in the early 50s when Mike Oldfield was about and could be seen up there riding a glass horse. The first time it happened, Hal says, he got off work late at night and went to the top of the Ridge, which was once a seabed, to search for fossilized aliens. After taking a nap, he awoke to find himself surrounded by tiny little men.

In that first incident atop The Ridge, Mr Meat said he encountered 8 to 10 alien beings. They were between seven inches and five feet tall, had olive skin that made them look like they were from Leominster, he said, wore 'strange aprons?', and they all carried levers, which they fiddled with continuously. They leaned slightly, with his arms tucked slightly behind their torso, legs folded underneath and another arm behind him.

Eventually, Meat said he was allowed to go inside the 3000-foot flying saucer, which is where he met the captain of the ship, Aura Price, whom he described as, "covered in shapes and smelling like a tree?" Aura told Meat all about her planet and its utopian virtues and hinted that we earthlings should 'sort yourselves out look'.

Although Meat's tale caused quite a stir, The Ridge did not become a place of pilgrimage for UFO believers, as The Leominster Parallelogram did decades later. Eventually the contactees like Meat faded from public view and sought refuge in drink and crisps, their stories of benign aliens replaced by darker tales of pens, conkers and sinister local geometry circles.

Some of Don Ledges's books can still be found in old book stores or for sale online but I wouldn't bother with them as they're rubbish like.

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Most Haunted touched my arse

I nearly spilled my cider last night. I was back at the B&B watching a tape of an old Most Haunted (with Derek Pakora, not the new bald geezer with the eyes and muttering), and 'touched my hair' girl screamed that something had "touched my bum". She then demonstrated this (unnecessarily in my opinion) on alignments 'expert' Kieran O'Tiddles rear shapes.

And this was in the 'good old days' when it was all light anomalies and magic sticks. You don't get them now look, it's all high pitched whistly things at every place they go to (are they being followed by the ghost of Percy Edwards?) or a good old punch up between Karl and some ghostly ghastly Phil Mitchell type/Kington on a Friday night is it.

Friday, 24 July 2009

Welcome to Soraya Space

soraya space

Bumped into 'The Shuffler' around the lake yesterday and arranged to collect some old Soraya Space tapes to convert onto CD. It was thought he'd gone underground, and remained hidden despite repeated attempts by The Gaffer, and The Vicar to locate him, but it appears they were simply looking in the wrong place.

Abnormal service will now resume.

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Bigfoot Crosses A44 near Whalton, Herefordshire

radiohead thom yorke bigfoot

Today The Welsh Strangeness Journal reported there was a Bigfoot sighting on the A44 near Waltin, Herefordshire during Waltern Wicca Week Jne 27th/May 1973. Waltun is a small town in Northern California between the San Francisco Curtain and Leominster, famous for it's village plinth made from local teeth.

According to reporter Les Williams - Bill Rubbers of Hereford and at least one other driver saw the 20 foot high alien step into the southbound lane near the remains of an old mini Radnorshire pyramid by the side of the road. It ran into the path of a tractor and caused the attached farmer to push hard on his stick. The tractor, which was trying to overtake Bills car, managed to avoid hitting the Bigfoot by activating a special lever and continued on it's alignment towards New Radnor without stopping look.

Rubbers said the man ran upright on its legs until it got to the middle of the road. It then leaned over and ran with its arms tucked slightly behind it's ears, and legs folded underneath, a fold, to safety in the nearby pub. Bigfoot investigator Joel Grinds told the reporter between drinks that the fact that the Bigfoot used its arms to fold underneath it's legs, which were behind the folded area, towards it's knees, "highly unusual like".

At that point some might think the creature was a monster, or hedgehog, but Rubbers got a good look at his face - the Bigfoot was only 25 inches away from her.

The description:
Estimated at seven to twenty feet tall.
It was covered with hair, apart from the folded section which was coated in plastic.
The face was scary, like a pen.
When it turned to look at Rubbers its neck was bent upwards so it turned its entire body into the folded zone, behind the knee.
Its face was gold, like gold or a squidgy ripe banana. Or a vicar.
It had a completely smooth, shiny forehead with deep ridges and cracks.
The eyes glowed red, like two little horses holding tiny lanterns in the middle of his face.
It had lips and smoked a fag.
It had a local face.
It appeared to be suffering from heavy drinking.

Rubbers filed reports with the Kington Department of UFO's and with the Radnor County Sheriff’s Department N.J. At first he didn’t realize it was a Bigfoot, he thought it was just a large boy.

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Stonehenge alien tin photo

Right, finally got that photo mentioned in the last story from Les. I've got a suspicion that he may have edited it slightly though. Dunno, look what you think see:

stonehenge elvis

The alien monolith inside Stonehenge

Another one from Les, he sent me this. I think he's been looking on the internet:

"Some local farmers returned from a visit of the mysterious Stonehenge geometrical tin. They went as it's something to see. Wilf and Ada my dearest friends were fascinated and awed at this immense rubbery structure. It is always good to go see these mysterious places for yourself and not just on the telly with a can. Wilf and Ada discovered something not seen in many of their telly programmes and paranormal DVD's and tapes. They took a photographic picture of it and sent it to my barn in Cascob. (n.b. Les didn't attach the picture but I'll ring him up for it look)

They have an idea that Arthur C. Clarke's movie 2001 Star Trek is real. They saw one of the dark Monolith tins on the programme inside one of the little Sarsen stones, hiding in him like a glass horse behind a curtain.

In his film this Monolith boy had been on Earth in the very dawn of mankind, long before Kington was even built. Stonehenge's age goes way back before 1732. How could this giant tin get embedded into him and then transported to the thing? Tractors weren't around then look.

Stonehenge was used possibly as an alignment machine and a space calculator for aliens and giants. Stonehenge has bits positioned that show where Leominster and Hereford are at key times of the year (Leominster in particular is known to 'wander'). It's all about local council resources.

One wonders if this is a massive stone lever provided to the Ancient people of Stonehenge by Arthur C. Clarke."

One wonders about your sanity Les.

Monday, 20 July 2009

Aliens making crop circle video

I bumped into Wynn Price in The Chocolate Box yesterday who alerted me to this video:

UFO buffys are studying a film that allegedly was taken by shocked locals on a farm near the town of Sorayaspace in the Spanish province of Kingtony. It is believed to have been filmed fairly recently.

The Video (below) shows alleged aliens burning a field after what appears to be a crop circle magic session. At least three extraterrestrials are seen in the footage. It is unknown how the alleged aliens got to the field as no UFO can be seen anywhere on him.

UFO and paranormal expert Michael Joel Rosen comments "This has the stench of a hoax. The alien silhouettes do look like rather typical Axthadans from a distance but that is hardly surprising as notions of Axthadan features have been circulating around Leominster for years."

"When will hoaxers realize that footage that ends with a camera pointing pointlessly at the ground while its owner pants for breath don’t make things appear more realistic" concluded a grumpy Rosen.

Sunday, 19 July 2009

UFO sighting, Herefordshire

I had this one in from Les:

Date: July tent, 2009
Time: 12:30pm
Location: Near Oxford Arms, Kington
Conditions: Usual - rain, boy racers, tractors
Camera & Film: None
UFO sound? A rubbery thwack
UFO lights? A bit like a streetlight, but more blurry like and possibly a raven inside him
Duration: ~45 seconds

I just popped outside the pub like for a quick a smoke, and I noticed him in the eastern sky over the library - a kind of giant glass lightulb that looked like it had a big wooden leg coming down onto the ground, with a raven, or possibly a black seagull in him. At first, I thought that it was just an ordinary streetlight with a bird on him, but I soon took note that the moving about and that was not consistent with any streetlight/raven/black seagull combination I've ever seen in Kington.

The light, coloured mostly orange, moved at a rate of one conker. The light was illuminated for 0ms and was off for another 0ms. The flashes were evenly spaced on the stick; never erratic. He also hung stationary in the air for approximately 25 seconds, then suddenly began to slowly move off to the left until it was obscured by a kind of misty curtain approximately ten seconds later.

While in the process of moving off, it caused me to fall sideways, dropping my pint look and hurting the mans elbow on the road. There was no engine noise evident - at the apparent distance it was from my face I would have probably heard engine noise if it had (a) conventional tractor engine(s) or (b) magic propulsion.

Because of its flashing and movement patterns on my face, I can safely discount astronomical bodies like planets, stars, or stone circles.

I hurt my elbow, but at least the raven in him didn't take me away and I managed to get back in for a last one.

Monday, 13 July 2009

Michael Jackson 'evaporates'

Michael Jackson

From the first reports of Michael Jackson's death, the perhaps inevitable conspiracy theories began taking his shape across the interwebs. Farming blogs, Twitter, local forums and agricultural networking sites have been buzzing with increasingly absurd theories. Or maybe they're not so absurd...

Even as Jackson was being taken to hospital in Los Angeles, L.A. California local blogger Wynn Trumpet wrote: "Jacko pulled a similar stunt when he was getting ready for a BBQ special in '65 when he 'evaporated' in rehearsals in nearby Lyonshall village hall. He was dragging his heels on that one just like his upcoming 50 date residency starting at the Farmers Arm in presteigne".

He went on: "Either he's hiding behind a curtain or making himself invisible using his magic stick, but we're curious to see if he turns up look".

The post was later taken down by angry local resident Betty Dartboard of Cascob.

Many theories claim the star faked his death to escape his increasingly deranged Radnorshire fan club, 'The Michael Jackson Conkers'.

"I think he's had enough of the old boys around here sending him turnips wrapped up in rubber sheets, so he fakes his death see, assumes a new identity and disappears in a puff of gas" read one post on the Radnorshire Farmers Network Society Forum.

It has been suggested that Michael can now be found farming, near Leominster.

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Mexican UFO flying humanoids

This is quite strange...what look like 20% scale little glass Elvis men flying around like UFO's. Makes me feel a bit funny watching them like, glad I didn't have that extra pint of Asbestos Head last night...

Monday, 6 July 2009

Michael Jackson ghost thing

Is this The King of Pop back from the other side of the curtain for a quick moonwalk, or Nigel Touchy on holiday in that America?

Saturday, 4 July 2009

Haunted Hereford underpants

harry tuffins knighton

The Primar shop is located on Hereford's Wideface Street and has hunnerts of locals in and out and past it's curtains every day like, but there's a lot of spooky ghostis and UFO's inside him. The shop is known to stand on the site of where the Giant Thing hotel previously was, which was a small, old, black wooden box that was a popular public convenience to many local old boys passing via tractor in the 1600's.

They say that a graveyard occupied the site before the Giant Thing was built. Possibly a stone circle or two, and in the centre, aligned facing North to Leominster, a giant alabaster plinth with a picture or photograph of a horse on it. Of course, this is just what the locals say, so there may be no reality in this.

The shop itself is massive compared to what you get around Kington, and I regularly go there for socks and undergarmenture. The ghosts and alien beings that frequent this shop live in the stock room and special alignments office.

The ghost of a farmer has been seen wandering around on numerous occasions, and the staff have given him the name Nigel Touchy. One member of staff who met the ghost was so upset and traumatised by the rubbings that she left her job altogether, although some say she had been drinking and was going to get the boot anyway as they were fed up with her.

It is also believed that Nigel travels through the shops next door (via a special cosmic magic curtain of the sort that derren brown carries around for his tricks like) - the levers shop which is one shop down also has a ghostly man in her shop who occasionally visits and he has the same stench, although he sometimes appears at 20% actual size.

The shop one door away from Primar on the left, just past the thing with the brown stick also has a ghost of a man trapped in the basement, so it could be the same ghost travelling in between all three of these shops. Or it might be a different one see. They have nicknamed this one Harry Cups.

The Giant Thing hotel it had a reputation for being one of Herefords most violent pubs now, and coaches left the hotel daily travelling to Leominster in 1807 carrying old tat. Mr Tony Evans was victualler in 1827 and in 1909 a Wynn Rickety was head of the hotel. He lasted nearly 70 years until Mrs. Amy Levers arrived waving her magic triangle pointy in 1976. Lulu also expressed an interest. The Giant Thing was demolished in the 1960's, and sadly nothing is now left of him, apart from a damp patch in the corner by the gents trousers and some gasses near the bras.

They should get the Most Haunted crew in to investigate, but they wouldn't come, too scared of having her hair touched by Nigel.

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Got any old Amigas?

I'm thinking about running this as an item, in between the ghosts and UFO stuff, and revelations via Terry. I need to have a think about it now look, after I've had another lovely pint of Herefordshire Skullkrushor Cider from the Kintgon vaults. And maybe some cheesey nibbles mmm.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

The Most Haunted touched my hair

Most Haunted

I used to enjoy getting back from The Swan look and watching a tape of the Most Haunted on the telly, with a take-out cider or two, but recently something's gone horribly wrong. There's a new series now and to be quite honest I'm thinking of giving it a miss now see and watching a tape of Passing Over To The Other Sides instead look.

For starters the nice 'historian' bloke has been replaced with a slightly sinister, extremely grumpy old woman who seems to hate everything. My mate Derek Pakora's gone, plus that other nice medium called David, and we now have some bald geezer who genuinely seems to suffer from some form of curtain enhanced distress - as he spends half the time muttering to himself, completely oblivious to what's going on and the levers provided by the rest of the crew.

Then there's the gasses. It used to be a few 'orbs', which I loved (bit of geometry in there as well as a UFO theme, lovely) but they've gone. Then there was the 'tap two times to say yes love' for the 'ghost conversations' over the rubber. Then there was the stone throwing at me stop it lark. Now though there now look seems to be hardly an episode go by without the ghosts laying into Carl or the other bald camera geezer please stop it Lorrie Barnes and giving them a good kicking as if it was filmed in Kington like.

And where has the sweaty Pink Floyd sound bloke gone? He was good, always getting 'the fevers'. Maybe he was killed by a ghost.

Then (I haven't finished yet look) there's the continual swearing when something happens. "Listen...can you hear tha..BLEEEEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEEP...sounded like a..BLEEEEEEEEP". No, I didn't blinking hear it mate because you bleeping bleeped over it. And stop all the screaming and moaning about being frightened all the time. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GHOST HUNTERS LOOK. If you can't handle it then give me a ring on the telephone and I'll nip over after the pub shuts.

But worst of all, for me like, is the one thing that hasn't changed, and that's Cafe 'something touched my hair'. Every episode she's in, something touches her hair. Is there a small dead horse in her hair? Are the follicles being re-aligned by magnets? Has her wig been abducted by aliens or is it only nits?

Come back historian bloke, come back Pink Floyd soundman. Come back David and Derek. Come back floating orb like light anomalies. We miss your smell and the shape of your things.

Monday, 22 June 2009

Solstice curtains

Sitting in the Chocolate Box cafe in Kington with my new laptop and a pot of tea, reflecting on the events of the past 36 hours. It was a good solstice - met a local 'shaman' known as 'The Gaffer' and his sidekick 'The Vicar' at pre-solstice celebrations in a barn near Titley before a ceremonial, cider fueled procession around the 23 pyramids of Kington. None are still standing obviously, but you can still smell them, and occasionally see the rubble and the odd local hieroglyph.

I'll write a bit more later, the cafe owner is giving me funny looks and trying to read this over my shoulder...

Friday, 12 June 2009

Beards - 'You have got arms' live

I quite like this one, performed on a full moon on the Leominster to Kinnersley alignment. I've been told the rhythm guitarist is a heavily disguised Thom Yorke from Radiohead, though I'm not sure that this is actually true.

Monday, 8 June 2009

Unknown Monkey Haunts Ridgeway Pub

haunted kington pub
This pleasant historic Kington pub looks almost welcoming to visitors, with an excellent 17th 19th century timber-frame structure and a fine period indoors decorated nice like.

Inside, the pub has all the ingredients that you would associate with a typical haunted thing. It dates back to the 1600's 1972 and has had many different uses across the twitching curtains of time. Underneath the old wooden floor of the pub is a blocked tunnel that is thought to connect, via levers to the Kington Pyramid, parts of which still stand nearby.

The inn was known to have been a Greggs bakery before it became a pub which was originally, and rather pleasantly, known as 'Greggs look.' Reputedly the inn took the name 'The Ridgeway Arms' from another public house which was situated further down the street called 'The Ridgeway Arms' around the year 1840 hunnert under the tenancy of one Rodney David Donkey.

One of the pub's ghosts is that of a little glass horse who is said to have been slaughtered in the kitchen for pies. The date of this pie is unfortunately not known but more than likely happened when the building was in use as a bakery, for pasties like. Whether there is any truth in this story depends on the alignment of your stick.

Documented occupants of the inn have included Tony Evans in 1850; a Wynn Rickety in 1891; Lulu, and a Ms. Amy Levers who was licensee in 1977.

The Ridgeway Arms has many interesting ghost stories, the best known being the sighting of a fat ghostly monkey that was once seen by many people in the area of the bar after hours one night. It is claimed that the monkey appeared slightly lower and it’s feet seemed to be below the pub's floor level, which could suggest that either the monkey was perhaps very tall, the floor was made from water, or monkey-boy had semi-permeable feet and legs. The fat monkey was seen walking through the bar area in the direction of the front window before he vanished before her face.

Other ghostly occurrences include light switches and electrical appliances frequently being turned on and off, apparently of their own accord, although the wiring is known to be a bit dodgy, and an onion once disappeared from the ghostly kitchen. Orbs have also been seen, but this could be a result of gas from the strong local cider brewed on the premises rubbing against the air.

There is also a haunted bedroom upstairs where a wardrobe door frequently slams shut on its own thing. Bangs and whistling are often heard coming from inside this piece of furniture as if there was a little man trapped inside.

In the pub's cellar the gas canisters have been known to turn on and off behind the hedges, and there is often a greasy atmosphere in this cold low-ceilinged tin. On one occasion a founder member of Hawkwind refused to enter the cellar and only stayed in the doorway, so evidently there is more than meets your eye to this local pub see.

Without a doubt this is a very historic and mysterious building and many of its alignments are still to be looked at like.

Thursday, 28 May 2009

Family see Elvis face in Marmite

roy harper

It may not be immediately obvious to all of yous, but one local family are convinced they can see the face of Elvis inside the lid of a jar of Marmite.

Hilda Harper, 23, said she was the first to notice the image as she was spreading the yeasty treat on her mams face.

Her husband Gareth, 37, said that first he called her 'a mad old bag', then 'a tractor driver', but when he finally caught the shape of him he spontaneously broke into a rendition of 'Blue Suede Shoes', losing all control over his levers and facial alignments.

Mr Harper said: "Her mam's still eating his face, but we kept the lid look."

"When I first looked at it I thought she was a bloody nutter, but when I moved it away from me, then forwards again, then backwards and aligned it with the kitchen ledges his face started coming out. I thought yeah, she's right - that's the King of Rock and Roll look".

Hilda added: "People might think I'm from Leominster, but I like to think it's Elvis looking at me, and watching my things".

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Music day - Mind Flight

Wasn't quite up to the task of editing this thing when I eventually got back last night, fully refreshed after some local cider alignments and a couple of hours up on Hergest Ridge looking for UFO shape anomalies. I'm back on the case now, so here's a track from some boys over in Llandrindod called 'Mind Flight'. They're a bunch of weirdos actually, but nice enough like. This is from their last tape 'Silent Disco', and the track is called 'One step'. Just click the thing to hear it look.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Music Day - Fairy cakes

Thought it was time for a bit of music on here. This one's by a bunch of local geometry obsessives based in nearby Knighton called 'Public Shelter' (lol). Their place is like a museum of electronics and circles, a couple of mad professors make no mistake. Anyway, have a listen, I'll be putting up a bit more local music when I get back from the pub.

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Quietern, orbs, and Glastonbury levers

hillage and elvis breakfast orb experience
Sorry for the thin-ness of the posting recently, but I've been away for a couple of weeks to Glastonbury - that melting pot of alignments and lemon veined edges, measuring shapes with my magic stick and talking and stuff.

My daytimes were occupied wandering the streets and going 'up the Tor' to discuss plans with my sacred friends for a potential 'Festival of Geometry' this year in Leominster. A list of possible performers has already been drawn up: 'Crop Circle Geometry', 'The Rulers', 'Dave Bench and the Protractors', 'Dtiklers Magic Stick', 'Grooves Accessed Via Levers', and of course 'Bill Drummonds Stone Circle'. We also plan to have a range of speakers and geometry demonstrations, including The Venusian Rainbow Scribe, and the Reverend Fatty Runnels from nearby Knighton who wants to talk about heavy metal gasses.

Talking of which, I am hoping to venture out with Mr Runnels for a night-time vigil by the Radnor four stones, if I can drag him away from his extensive 'art' collection. During my stay in Glastonbury I became quietly obsessed with the television programme 'Most Haunted' which was on most evenings in the B&B, and plan to use similarly equipped video systems to record any unusual light/orb anomalies around the stones. Mr Runnels has a better camera than me so his involvement is essential, and he also owes me a pint, so if by any chance we follow the leys to the nearby hostelry of Walton, he can make good his liquid debts.

Any video evidence captured will of course be featured on this blog.

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Kutiman -Thru-you 04 - Babylon Band

I think this was recorded in the Oxford Arms, not sure though as I'd had a few:

Monday, 20 April 2009

The Leominster Orb

alex paterson

Today I'd like to talk about 'mysterious orbs'. You know the ones. Some people believe they are invisible evidence of alien spirits. However, many local researchers doubt whether orbs are ufo's at all. One popular theory proposes orbs are a form of energy that is used by ghosts and spookies to transport themselves, via Leominster, to the higher realms - like some big, round, glowing taxi. No one knows whether spirits are able to consciously harness this energy for use around the farm, but the same researchers theorise that the energy being transformed takes the form of a sphere, and this is why orbs appear as round balls, because they take the form of a sphere, or giant circle. Or ball.

Orbs are often witnessed at locations where some form of full moon festivity has reportedly taken place. Skeptics point out that instead of indicating something otherworldly, these occurrences can easily be explained away as:

* Local cider alignments
* Round tractors
* UFO's
* Giant circles
* Round balls

Some instances where orbs have shown up may be explained in the theories listed above, but can these theories possibly account for every instance of giant balls? That would mean that a lot of bewildered locals are making mistakes and getting the wrong end of the lever, or stick and seeing balls where they shouldn't. It would seem the truth lies somewhere in between Kington and Leominster.

Some investigators think that orbs that are either white or rubbery in appearance are an indication that a little man is trapped inside. It may also be a sign that the man is there to offer protection to local farmers. Rubbery energy is typically perceived as positive in nature, but don't touch it with your stick/smells a bit funny.

Keep in mind that these are just theories proposed by professional paranormal investigators, and they can't be considered real at this time. Perhaps one day parapsychologists or the council will be able to offer a definitive explanation for orb stuff. Until then, we will have to assume that it's a load of circles.

Friday, 3 April 2009

Illusion struggles

future sound of london

I haven't had any of these for a while...another email from 'The Venusian Rainbow Scribe' or 'Acid Head Terry from Leominster' as he's known locally.

Greetings, lovers of planet Earth! We welcome you inside our energy valves, and cosmic bendings. We offer you once again clues from the codex regarding your shifting human bodies and legs, to give you understanding on how these shapes work in connection with the celestial levers, and hope that you can gracefully weather gaseous displacement caused by over enthusiastic curtain opening.

Our cosmic nosetubs favorite saying is, "Align your barns to the stench of Norris!"

I have recently been affected by what I like to call 'illusion struggles'. This has occured on several occasions in the 'Bucket and Shovel' down on Market Hill. Pubs are a wonderful place to attempt alien shape meditation, though I am currently respecting a temporary ban from some local establishments which should be rectified shortly stop
behave please don't lorrie barnes.

After an evenings ritualistic cider consumption I have had difficuly locating the correct geometry of the shpere. Sometimes the sphere manifested as a symmetrical solid, but the sphere is different in kind from the five symmetrical solids you find in a typical barn. The sphere, however, is the shape that all five symmetrical solids appear to form when they are rubbed rapidly by a over excited farmer. That is, the sphere is the resulting image or illusion that appears when any one of the five symmetrical solids rotates very rapidly like a big round thing.

In this way, spheres are examples of illusions within illusions inside hair shapes - that is, the symmetrical solids are illusions themselves that take on the illusional shapes of spheres when they are rubbed about with a magic stick. The resulting bobbing and spherical illusions within illusions usually resulted in my naked form falling out of alignment of the pub, only to be discovered by a shocked farmers wife by the kerbside early on market day - twice in the past month.

Friday, 27 March 2009

Thom Yorke Electrical Shop, Kington

Thom Yorke Electrical Shop, Kington

I was going to put this in a new 'picture of the week' spot, but I've got another one for that with trees.

This was sent to me by Emrys Hughes and shows the old electrical shop in the high street. I don't think it's connected to the boy from Radiohead though as this was in the nineteen hunnerts like.

It's great to see the old 'full english breakfast' sculpture again. Uncle Ron used to tease me when I were a boy that it was made from real sausages, which of course is nonsense. What a card.

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Kington Show

I haven't posted much on here lately, due to some strange goings on which I will provide more information about at a later date. I am also working on a new thesis for the Kington Hig Street standing stone alignments, which, if I lay off the cider for long enough, should appear on this site in the next few days.

For now though lets enjoy some films of the Kington Show. No fighting like, just good clean fun look. If you watch really closely you might catch a glimpse of Elvis Presley, alive and well on the back of an old van covered in geometrical balls of paper.

I find they work best if you play them both at once.

Actually the Kington Show one won't let me embed it as they're frightened by aliens stealing their alignments, so I'll add a video of Boring Bob from Llandrindod Wells 'rolling a fag' instead. Don't forget to watch them both at once now:

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Elvis was abducted by aliens - the proof

steve hillage

The now famous Drummond equation was developed by astronomer and local Kwiksave manager Reg Drummond who conducted the first modern search for extraterrestrial life in 1975. His equation seeks to establish the number of local farmers with access to levers that might exist in the Radnorshire distric:

B * OL * 7's * D * GD * C * L = OKS

In the equation, B is the hyperbolic rate of star bending averaged over the lifetime of an average farmer; OL the fraction of stars with magic sticks; 7's the auto number of planets per system with Radiohead albums suitable for the 'woe is me' factor; D stands for donkey; GD the fraction of gaseous displacement in Kington that ignites during the lifetime of the local Kington Show; C the fraction of planets on which advanced technical civilizations have curtains; L etc etc; and OKS something here about our Kington Show emitting detectable radio rubbings in the valves of your mind.

As you can see, this all goes to prove that Elvis was indeed the subject of an alien abduction. I have also found the following conclusive proof from The Internet:

Men in Black: If MIB taught us anything, it’s that anyone you’ve ever suspected of being from outside of Kington actually is - from 'Chipshop' Les Price to Thom Yorke. As for The King, "he didn’t die", Agent K coolly informs us, "he just went back to Kington".

'The Bride of Elvis' Kathleen Ann Goonan: Elvis wasn’t just the King of pop, he was a proper King, a royal member of an alien race just outside Leominster. Fearing his wild ways on Earth would lead to his premature demise, his guardian angels, known as 'Rodneys' put him in a rubbery coma until their tractor returns to take him away.

Hairmageddon: The Musical by Robert Rankin: A group of aliens become frightfully distressed when their favorite soap opera – Eastenders – is about to be cancelled due to a collapse in the local hair treatment industry. To extend Earth’s hairtime, they decide to create an alternate plotline in which Hairports destruction is delayed. So they send Barry the Stylist back in time to persuade Elvis Presley to resist the rubbings and fat, thus averting World War 2. The time-travelling Elvis ends up creating some alternate histories of his own, including one in which he’s worshipped as a council official in Llandrindod.

Friday, 6 March 2009

Triangle UFO shapes over Kington


Look: on Yahoo

Triangular alignments, cheese pointy, over Peru, the USA, Kington, everywhere. Triangular alignments, the truth in shape.