Mexican UFO flying humanoids

This is quite strange...what look like 20% scale little glass Elvis men flying around like UFO's. Makes me feel a bit funny watching them like, glad I didn't have that extra pint of Asbestos Head last night...

Michael Jackson ghost thing

Is this The King of Pop back from the other side of the curtain for a quick moonwalk, or Nigel Touchy on holiday in that America?

Haunted Hereford underpants

The Primar shop is located on Hereford's Wideface Street and has hunnerts of locals in and out and past it's curtains every day like, but there's a lot of spooky ghostis and UFO's inside him. The shop is known to stand on the site of where the Giant Thing hotel previously was, which was a small, old, black wooden box that was a popular public convenience to many local old boys passing via tractor in the 1600's.

They say that a graveyard occupied the site before the Giant Thing was built. Possibly a stone circle or two, and in the centre, aligned facing North to Leominster, a giant alabaster plinth with a picture or photograph of a horse on it. Of course, this is just what the locals say, so there may be no reality in this.

The shop itself is massive compared to what you get around Kington, and I regularly go there for socks and undergarmenture. The ghosts and alien beings that frequent this shop live in the stock room and special alignments office.

The ghost of a farmer has been seen wandering around on numerous occasions, and the staff have given him the name Nigel Touchy. One member of staff who met the ghost was so upset and traumatised by the rubbings that she left her job altogether, although some say she had been drinking and was going to get the boot anyway as they were fed up with her.

It is also believed that Nigel travels through the shops next door (via a special cosmic magic curtain of the sort that derren brown carries around for his tricks like) - the levers shop which is one shop down also has a ghostly man in her shop who occasionally visits and he has the same stench, although he sometimes appears at 20% actual size.

The shop one door away from Primar on the left, just past the thing with the brown stick also has a ghost of a man trapped in the basement, so it could be the same ghost travelling in between all three of these shops. Or it might be a different one see. They have nicknamed this one Harry Cups.

The Giant Thing hotel it had a reputation for being one of Herefords most violent pubs now, and coaches left the hotel daily travelling to Leominster in 1807 carrying old tat. Mr Tony Evans was victualler in 1827 and in 1909 a Wynn Rickety was head of the hotel. He lasted nearly 70 years until Mrs. Amy Levers arrived waving her magic triangle pointy in 1976. Lulu also expressed an interest. The Giant Thing was demolished in the 1960's, and sadly nothing is now left of him, apart from a damp patch in the corner by the gents trousers and some gasses near the bras.

They should get the Most Haunted crew in to investigate, but they wouldn't come, too scared of having her hair touched by Nigel.

Got any old Amigas?

I'm thinking about running this as an item, in between the ghosts and UFO stuff, and revelations via Terry. I need to have a think about it now look, after I've had another lovely pint of Herefordshire Skullkrushor Cider from the Kintgon vaults. And maybe some cheesey nibbles mmm.

The Most Haunted touched my hair

I used to enjoy getting back from The Swan look and watching a tape of the Most Haunted on the telly, with a take-out cider or two, but recently something's gone horribly wrong. There's a new series now and to be quite honest I'm thinking of giving it a miss now see and watching a tape of Passing Over To The Other Sides instead look.

For starters the nice 'historian' bloke has been replaced with a slightly sinister, extremely grumpy old woman who seems to hate everything. My mate Derek Pakora's gone, plus that other nice medium called David, and we now have some bald geezer who genuinely seems to suffer from some form of curtain enhanced distress - as he spends half the time muttering to himself, completely oblivious to what's going on and the levers provided by the rest of the crew.

Then there's the gasses. It used to be a few 'orbs', which I loved (bit of geometry in there as well as a UFO theme, lovely) but they've gone. Then there was the 'tap two times to say yes love' for the 'ghost conversations' over the rubber. Then there was the stone throwing at me stop it lark. Now though there now look seems to be hardly an episode go by without the ghosts laying into Carl or the other bald camera geezer please stop it Lorrie Barnes and giving them a good kicking as if it was filmed in Kington like.

And where has the sweaty Pink Floyd sound bloke gone? He was good, always getting 'the fevers'. Maybe he was killed by a ghost.

Then (I haven't finished yet look) there's the continual swearing when something happens. "Listen...can you hear tha..BLEEEEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEEP...sounded like a..BLEEEEEEEEP". No, I didn't blinking hear it mate because you bleeping bleeped over it. And stop all the screaming and moaning about being frightened all the time. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GHOST HUNTERS LOOK. If you can't handle it then give me a ring on the telephone and I'll nip over after the pub shuts.

But worst of all, for me like, is the one thing that hasn't changed, and that's Cafe 'something touched my hair'. Every episode she's in, something touches her hair. Is there a small dead horse in her hair? Are the follicles being re-aligned by magnets? Has her wig been abducted by aliens or is it only nits?

Come back historian bloke, come back Pink Floyd soundman. Come back David and Derek. Come back floating orb like light anomalies. We miss your smell and the shape of your things.

Solstice curtains

Sitting in the Chocolate Box cafe in Kington with my new laptop and a pot of tea, reflecting on the events of the past 36 hours. It was a good solstice - met a local 'shaman' known as 'The Gaffer' and his sidekick 'The Vicar' at pre-solstice celebrations in a barn near Titley before a ceremonial, cider fueled procession around the 23 pyramids of Kington. None are still standing obviously, but you can still smell them, and occasionally see the rubble and the odd local hieroglyph.

I'll write a bit more later, the cafe owner is giving me funny looks and trying to read this over my shoulder...

Beards - 'You have got arms' live

I quite like this one, performed on a full moon on the Leominster to Kinnersley alignment. I've been told the rhythm guitarist is a heavily disguised Thom Yorke from Radiohead, though I'm not sure that this is actually true.

Unknown Monkey Haunts Ridgeway Pub

This pleasant historic Kington pub looks almost welcoming to visitors, with an excellent 17th 19th century timber-frame structure and a fine period indoors decorated nice like.

Inside, the pub has all the ingredients that you would associate with a typical haunted thing. It dates back to the 1600's 1972 and has had many different uses across the twitching curtains of time. Underneath the old wooden floor of the pub is a blocked tunnel that is thought to connect, via levers to the Kington Pyramid, parts of which still stand nearby.

The inn was known to have been a Greggs bakery before it became a pub which was originally, and rather pleasantly, known as 'Greggs look.' Reputedly the inn took the name 'The Ridgeway Arms' from another public house which was situated further down the street called 'The Ridgeway Arms' around the year 1840 hunnert under the tenancy of one Rodney David Donkey.

One of the pub's ghosts is that of a little glass horse who is said to have been slaughtered in the kitchen for pies. The date of this pie is unfortunately not known but more than likely happened when the building was in use as a bakery, for pasties like. Whether there is any truth in this story depends on the alignment of your stick.

Documented occupants of the inn have included Tony Evans in 1850; a Wynn Rickety in 1891; Lulu, and a Ms. Amy Levers who was licensee in 1977.

The Ridgeway Arms has many interesting ghost stories, the best known being the sighting of a fat ghostly monkey that was once seen by many people in the area of the bar after hours one night. It is claimed that the monkey appeared slightly lower and it’s feet seemed to be below the pub's floor level, which could suggest that either the monkey was perhaps very tall, the floor was made from water, or monkey-boy had semi-permeable feet and legs. The fat monkey was seen walking through the bar area in the direction of the front window before he vanished before her face.

Other ghostly occurrences include light switches and electrical appliances frequently being turned on and off, apparently of their own accord, although the wiring is known to be a bit dodgy, and an onion once disappeared from the ghostly kitchen. Orbs have also been seen, but this could be a result of gas from the strong local cider brewed on the premises rubbing against the air.

There is also a haunted bedroom upstairs where a wardrobe door frequently slams shut on its own thing. Bangs and whistling are often heard coming from inside this piece of furniture as if there was a little man trapped inside.

In the pub's cellar the gas canisters have been known to turn on and off behind the hedges, and there is often a greasy atmosphere in this cold low-ceilinged tin. On one occasion a founder member of Hawkwind refused to enter the cellar and only stayed in the doorway, so evidently there is more than meets your eye to this local pub see.

Without a doubt this is a very historic and mysterious building and many of its alignments are still to be looked at like.

Family see Elvis face in Marmite

It may not be immediately obvious to all of yous, but one local family are convinced they can see the face of Elvis inside the lid of a jar of Marmite.

Hilda Harper, 23, said she was the first to notice the image as she was spreading the yeasty treat on her mams face.

Her husband Gareth, 37, said that first he called her 'a mad old bag', then 'a tractor driver', but when he finally caught the shape of him he spontaneously broke into a rendition of 'Blue Suede Shoes', losing all control over his levers and facial alignments.

Mr Harper said: "Her mam's still eating his face, but we kept the lid look."

"When I first looked at it I thought she was a bloody nutter, but when I moved it away from me, then forwards again, then backwards and aligned it with the kitchen ledges his face started coming out. I thought yeah, she's right - that's the King of Rock and Roll look".

Hilda added: "People might think I'm from Leominster, but I like to think it's Elvis looking at me, and watching my things".

Music day - Mind Flight

Wasn't quite up to the task of editing this thing when I eventually got back last night, fully refreshed after some local cider alignments and a couple of hours up on Hergest Ridge looking for UFO shape anomalies. I'm back on the case now, so here's a track from some boys over in Llandrindod called 'Mind Flight'. They're a bunch of weirdos actually, but nice enough like. This is from their last tape 'Silent Disco', and the track is called 'One step'. Just click the thing to hear it look.

Music Day - Fairy cakes

Thought it was time for a bit of music on here. This one's by a bunch of local geometry obsessives based in nearby Knighton called 'Public Shelter' (lol). Their place is like a museum of electronics and circles, a couple of mad professors make no mistake. Anyway, have a listen, I'll be putting up a bit more local music when I get back from the pub.

Quietern, orbs, and Glastonbury levers

Sorry for the thin-ness of the posting recently, but I've been away for a couple of weeks to Glastonbury - that melting pot of alignments and lemon veined edges, measuring shapes with my magic stick and talking and stuff.

My daytimes were occupied wandering the streets and going 'up the Tor' to discuss plans with my sacred friends for a potential 'Festival of Geometry' this year in Leominster. A list of possible performers has already been drawn up: 'Crop Circle Geometry', 'The Rulers', 'Dave Bench and the Protractors', 'Dtiklers Magic Stick', 'Grooves Accessed Via Levers', and of course 'Bill Drummonds Stone Circle'. We also plan to have a range of speakers and geometry demonstrations, including The Venusian Rainbow Scribe, and the Reverend Fatty Runnels from nearby Knighton who wants to talk about heavy metal gasses.

Talking of which, I am hoping to venture out with Mr Runnels for a night-time vigil by the Radnor four stones, if I can drag him away from his extensive 'art' collection. During my stay in Glastonbury I became quietly obsessed with the television programme 'Most Haunted' which was on most evenings in the B&B, and plan to use similarly equipped video systems to record any unusual light/orb anomalies around the stones. Mr Runnels has a better camera than me so his involvement is essential, and he also owes me a pint, so if by any chance we follow the leys to the nearby hostelry of Walton, he can make good his liquid debts.

Any video evidence captured will of course be featured on this blog.

Kutiman -Thru-you 04 - Babylon Band

I think this was recorded in the Oxford Arms, not sure though as I'd had a few:

The Leominster Orb

Today I'd like to talk about 'mysterious orbs'. You know the ones. Some people believe they are invisible evidence of alien spirits. However, many local researchers doubt whether orbs are ufo's at all. One popular theory proposes orbs are a form of energy that is used by ghosts and spookies to transport themselves, via Leominster, to the higher realms - like some big, round, glowing taxi. No one knows whether spirits are able to consciously harness this energy for use around the farm, but the same researchers theorise that the energy being transformed takes the form of a sphere, and this is why orbs appear as round balls, because they take the form of a sphere, or giant circle. Or ball.

Orbs are often witnessed at locations where some form of full moon festivity has reportedly taken place. Skeptics point out that instead of indicating something otherworldly, these occurrences can easily be explained away as:

* Local cider alignments
* Round tractors
* UFO's
* Giant circles
* Round balls

Some instances where orbs have shown up may be explained in the theories listed above, but can these theories possibly account for every instance of giant balls? That would mean that a lot of bewildered locals are making mistakes and getting the wrong end of the lever, or stick and seeing balls where they shouldn't. It would seem the truth lies somewhere in between Kington and Leominster.

Some investigators think that orbs that are either white or rubbery in appearance are an indication that a little man is trapped inside. It may also be a sign that the man is there to offer protection to local farmers. Rubbery energy is typically perceived as positive in nature, but don't touch it with your stick/smells a bit funny.

Keep in mind that these are just theories proposed by professional paranormal investigators, and they can't be considered real at this time. Perhaps one day parapsychologists or the council will be able to offer a definitive explanation for orb stuff. Until then, we will have to assume that it's a load of circles.

Illusion struggles

I haven't had any of these for a while...another email from 'The Venusian Rainbow Scribe' or 'Acid Head Terry from Leominster' as he's known locally.

Greetings, lovers of planet Earth! We welcome you inside our energy valves, and cosmic bendings. We offer you once again clues from the codex regarding your shifting human bodies and legs, to give you understanding on how these shapes work in connection with the celestial levers, and hope that you can gracefully weather gaseous displacement caused by over enthusiastic curtain opening.

Our cosmic nosetubs favorite saying is, "Align your barns to the stench of Norris!"

I have recently been affected by what I like to call 'illusion struggles'. This has occured on several occasions in the 'Bucket and Shovel' down on Market Hill. Pubs are a wonderful place to attempt alien shape meditation, though I am currently respecting a temporary ban from some local establishments which should be rectified shortly stop
behave please don't lorrie barnes.

After an evenings ritualistic cider consumption I have had difficuly locating the correct geometry of the shpere. Sometimes the sphere manifested as a symmetrical solid, but the sphere is different in kind from the five symmetrical solids you find in a typical barn. The sphere, however, is the shape that all five symmetrical solids appear to form when they are rubbed rapidly by a over excited farmer. That is, the sphere is the resulting image or illusion that appears when any one of the five symmetrical solids rotates very rapidly like a big round thing.

In this way, spheres are examples of illusions within illusions inside hair shapes - that is, the symmetrical solids are illusions themselves that take on the illusional shapes of spheres when they are rubbed about with a magic stick. The resulting bobbing and spherical illusions within illusions usually resulted in my naked form falling out of alignment of the pub, only to be discovered by a shocked farmers wife by the kerbside early on market day - twice in the past month.