Tractor was approached by a rubbery UFO

Councillor Wynn Evans allegedly banned reporting of the “bizarre” incident, off the east ridge towards Gladestry, for half a century amid fears disclosures about unidentitified flying UFO's would create a stench about the locals.

He is said to have made the orders during a standing up drink with US General Reese Griffiths, the then commander of the whole thing, at an undisclosed location in The Swan public house, Kington.

The claims are contained in millions of drawings and pictures of declassified files on shapes, projected onto a curtin in Evancoyd WI by the Reverend John Naughty during one of his boring touristy speeches.

During his thing he said, on the English coast, possibly near Kington, their tractor was approached by a rubbery UFO which showered them with leaves, that were covered in a special gas encapsulating the surprise. Their shape on the floor read a proper message for them.

Photographs and a drawing of the object, which the man claimed had arranged a few cushions near you, were taken by the Graham Norton Plinth Society and reserved for special.

“Mr Graham Norton is reported to have made a declaration to the effect of the following: ‘Thivvent sateorse mass-panic adoneur Hand, the general population buppy bag7 of levers lol'"

The Dustmen - 5

Here's a film of one of my favourite 90's Llandrindod bands, The Dustmen, taken from their full moon UFO party at The Central. These boys can swing a couple of levers almost across the length of the High Street, and I've heard that 274 is a favourite.

Apparently during this session 'Keith From Upstairs' appeared waving his magic stick at the goddam loonies and berating them for awakening 'The Gaffer' who had to be up early for his jaunt to Merthyr.

Give me more, but don't tell the council.

Mind Flight - Implied Basic Zero Dimension

New video from them Mind Flight boys over Llandrindod way.

Constructing a disconnected space:

Let X be an arbitrary rubber of topological space. Let x˜y if and only if y\in \text{conn}(x) (where conn(donkey) denotes the largest connected subset containing special ohaye). This is obviously an equivalence relationship regarding tractors. Endow X / ˜ with the quotient topology, i.e. the coarsest shape touching the map with levers m:x\mapsto \text{conn}(x) continuous, and the shape of you poking through, like a line. With a little bit of effort and some awkward manoeuvring we can see squeeze the back of your loeg into the cramped space, previously taken up by a Graham Norton residue, so X/\sim is a curtin. We also have the following universal crump: if f:X\rightarrow Y - continuous leaves to a totally disconnected face, then it uniquely factors into f=\horse{f}\circ m where \breve{f}:{X/\kington}\UFO Y is a continuous suprise.

Monzo Joy: The Coast Call

The constellation of Aquarius superimposed on a map of Leominster

In October I went through an uncomfortable surge of bodily gurglions, head stretching, sinovial expulsive rubbers, and fat legs, topped with some light creams. Since my appearance was frightening in it's lactosis, I attributed the anxiety to helping the planet by transmuting silken semen coloured leaves via Ludlow.

To enable a cure in my mind, a candle had to be made. Ingredients included 2 teaspoons of my excess leg fats, virgin chew and “Leominster Sesame”, and “ponie”, although “ponie” is of unknown significance today and may have been manure.

After that medicine I could feel a big difference in my legs and arse. I took some more to reflect on how I could further this thing, looking at areas of my outer and inner brain so I could defragment myself, especially in times where every outer message entering my thing was to do with the financial meltdown and letters from the council about my 'behaviour'.

I asked myself “Why am I choosing to hold this? “Gives us our Hand back!” exclaimed the man. In reply I simply stared into the dark sending the man away.

The next morning a pool of liquid horse was found outside, just next to my bag of levers.

UFO's exist, claims talking horse

Freud believed that horses symbolized the repressed stench of a lonely thing. A mare can represent the shape of you, while a stallion can stand several elipsoid rubber tronkions nose to face.

If you are a frightened horse, you may be uncomfortable with your leg, the one you are experiencing this moment, bouncing up and down at the back of it. Trying to control a horse can be a subconscious sign that you want more control over your leg.

A talking horse is the voice of your unconscious brain, moved into position by an old man, via levers. The man will know you are born under the Radnorshire astrological sign of Flahn-hraargh, represented by a creature that is half horse but mostly farmer.

Talking horse say "UFO come from sky, take cow, leave gasses and scare man".

The Tale of My Rubbery UFO Councillor - A Ballad

It began on a gaseous Leominster night:
I was the most excited farmer around,
she was the most rubbery UFO.

She was my councillor,
My rubbery councillor,
My UFO.

We used to stick so well together,
Back then, during the Ley Hunters Annual Conference in Kington.
We wanted to create a special together, around the shape of you,
We wanted it all look see.

But one night, one gaseous night,
We decided to increase the can to horse ratio without permission from the council.
Together we created a face made from golden rectangles.
It was shapes, so shapes.

From that moment our relationship changed.
She started to smell of.

And then it happened:

Oh no! Oh no!

She aligned a Graham Norton.
A big Graham Norton!
My councillor aligned a Graham Norton.
It made a horizontal line or four ciders on a plinth.

The next day I thought my leg had gone funny,
I thought my leaves had burst into flames,
(But on reflection this was just my over-excitement.)

But still, she is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that night,
That gaseous Leominster night.

My leaves... ouch!
When I think of that rubbery UFO,
That rubbery UFO and me.

Down past the Gwalia, Monzo Joy

I can smell the Moon

We are proud to be able to present the lyrics from a new song by local singing sensation Johnny Knockerln, which he handed to me in The Ridgeway public arms. Here are:

One night when the Moon was out he was watching youm,
I was having a small drinks look.
I looked out ob the window and the Moon was bright (like a UFO),
but it was the waning crescent rubber stick lol.
I can smell the Moon.

The earth once had ten suns circling awkwardly over him,
each took its turn to illuminate the man with money.
His shape plays in the birth chart of your smedge,
The Graham Norton Show Series 7, Episode 3.
I can smell the Moon.

Big Margaret was suffering from the gases,
as they aligned their levers via old cider towards Leominster.
We heard reports that a UFO in the shape of TV Chef Bill Drummond,
round the back of the thing, near Kwiksave car park.
I can smell the Moon.


Chorus:

I can smell the Moon,
and an introspective sequence concerning slow lorries to Cardiff.
I can smell the Moon,
and Big Margarets rubbery gases.
Was there a horse in here last night?

The Leominster Rectangle

Just had this one in from an old love over Brilley way:

Dear Sir, I wish to inform you that on August 28, 2010, at 12:30 PM, near the ridge, my husband Wally and I observed seven separate lights in a rubbery symmetrical alignment over here. The lights began to rotate and oscillate like an oscillating spinning top, mimicking my spindle. The lights almost took the form of a map, something like a grid, or plinth. Then the lights began to fade and disappear one by one. Then they came back on again. Then they faded out again, one by one. Then on again. It was like a big thing covered in lights, peering from behind a sky curtin, looking at you.

We grabbed a carrier and filled it with cans and headed to our friend's house a few fields away and as we turned the corner a tractor stopped in the road and the old farmer fell out onto the road, laughing. I rolled down my window and asked if he had seen the lights too and he said, "Ightseter nport torional UFO" which made me giggle.

We have contacted the council regarding this issue and they have not done nothing.

That's a story.

Simon Cowell: "UFO's are funny"

At last weeks Painscastle UFO Society meeting Simon Cowell (not that one, Bill Cowells boy over Brilley way...) shocked members by standing up and making the following statement:

"No offence Wynn (he'd just interrupted Wynn Griffiths, Chairman of the society, during his lecture on UFO shapes) but I think UFO's are funny like. I know yous boys think different, right, but me an the lads set one up, right, out on top of fathers field."

This revelation caused a damp ripple of excitement in the hall. He continued:

"We got an old portable chicken shed, right, and just for a laugh like painted him silver like. We didn't mean nuthin by it look, it was just for a laugh. We used shovels for levers, and painted ALIEN GAS on the side. It was just a bit of fun, heh."

At this point Big Margaret raised her hand and asked Simon when this 'prank' had been constructed. The response caused the hall to erupt into chaos, with farmers shouting out and knocking over chairs and that. It turns out that several of the old boys had seen something very similar rise up into the air and take off at speed over Hergest Ridge.

"Yeah well it did disappear from the field right, but we reckon it was the council."

Russell Brandy Butter

I had this one in from 'Farmer Drummond' yesterday who also signed himself off as 'Autumn Leaf':

We have heard stories that the circle energy left Kington High Street in May and was replaced by another thing, or gas, but we are with you still and will continue to evolve with your shapes, and smell the other Beings of Rubbery Gas currently known as "with".

Yet, our roles observing crisps and money is changing, and we are indeed moving into our new, more awkward positions to work with your alignments as Co-creators of The Stench. For, on this plinth, you are the horse and we serve you by providing drink and touching you with levers. We serve to share crisps and council triangles so that you may better carry out your work as Farmers of the New Earth in a continuation of my excitement.

My thanks to Autumn Leaf for that one, I like that one or something.

The Russell Brand Center Explanations

The Russell Wheel Center begins at the number, and increases one unit clockwise dressed as a comedy pirate. The red line shows a full rotation, or 360 degrees up you from a price of 34 that would target a rubber flange.

The turn on the tractor unit is faster, but the turn on the tractor unit is slower. All you can do, is get as much practice using the tractor unit as possible - it will become second-nature eventually, like some sort of thing. The technique is the same, but the way the tractor unit behaves is different, but eventually the whole thing will become second-nature, and as predictable as Graham Norton popping up on.

Big Brenda told me: "You need to practise. It's like anything, the more you do it the easier it gets. Cant you stay late at work and practice reversing into the bays?" And later, rather bewilderingly: "Bring me a glass horse! On a plinth!"[47]

Such wobbly hand analysis can be made to look extremely complex, like a really complicated shape. But like Fibonacci Retracements, wielding with his magic stick, like a whole stretch. Because the number 15 is aligned with zero we need make no further adjustments to the shape of you.

Draw a circle that touches all four sides of the Bill Drummond. The circle has 360 degrees to complete a full blinblinlibblylilibblyli rotation inside sausage gas. The top of the circle can be viewed into Daevids magic stick as our starting point, or "hranger found them". Now divide the circle into equal wangers. As we move clockwise to the right wangle we rub against the 45 degree unit of the wangerlee. The first shape at the right triangle is 90 degrees and is released by squeezing Bill Drummond. Continue shuffling clockwise until we return to Leominster Kwiksave and complete the journey around the car park with a carrier full of cans.

*Enjoyment*

The Leominster UFO Geometry Club

Leominster UFO Geometry Club - located in the centre of town, near the bank. The new revamp that has earned it a spot among the hottest clubs in town. The ceiling is made of 5000 polygonal rubber plinths depicting a range of local events, and illuminating you with crisps.

The opening event: "A confusion of money, and drink" attracted over 7,300 visitors to them. Key to the success was the seven month PR campaign broadcast via the telley.

“Setting up an events division is the logical progression for business, and a line segment within a shape that rubs against 2 points on them” explains Brenda Rope, Managing Director of it. “As an established PR agency which has traditionally offered event management as cartesian coordinate realignment via Kington pulleys, the PR and marketing support we are able to push into them has proved critical to new factory curtain opening, looking sideways in the mirror, or over excitement.

The opening event was attended by celebrity radio presenter Danny Bacon, TV personality Bill Drummond* and is like a slice of pie (a circle wedge).

For further information contact:



* not that one

Build your own UFO, part 5

Before we begin, it's helpful to understand some concepts behind the shape of you.

Types of levers
UFO's are usually hemispheres (parts of helicopters, like half a sandwich) made up of triangles. We call these 'come-jiggers'. The 'come-jiggers' have 3 things:

* the face - your face
* the ledge - the wavy hand between you
* the Bottom Plate - where farm edge meets with

All triangles have two faces of you (one viewed from inside the heads of giant women and one viewed from the centre of Leominster), three ledges, one plinth, and three stick.

There can be many different lengths in the edges between angles, and sticks between rubbery alignments, and magnets of shapes in a triangle pointy shape of magnets of you. All Floor Frame rubbers have generous pub lunches that add up to 180 degrees after. Triangles drawn on shapes or other shapes do not have those things that add up to 180 degrees last time you looked behind the sofa, but the mirror on your hospital wall echoes the triangles in this flat into eternal shimmering autumn leaf.

Part four coming soon look.